Friday, September 30, 2005

Yee-Haw!!

Well, it is that time again. Yessiree, it is time for the Afternoon Roundup.

1. Jenni has a multiple choice quiz I seriously wish the people running AWP would see!!

2. Jeff Bahr introduces us to "The New Humility." Personally, I am awaiting "The New Arrogance."

3. Have you visited the Oracle yet? Why Not? Difficult to see, the future.

4. Ali is gambling for Jesus.

5. Rebecca Loudon reports in from corporate America.

6. Julie reminds me why I am afraid of Missouri.

7. Lee Ann is giving people seizures.

Saving Time

Isn't Time Change coming up soon, or did I miss it? I know it is coming because the mornings have gotten dark again, like nighttime. I am not sure why we still do the daylight savings time thing anymore. Is it just habit? I mean wasn't it started to help out farmers?

Got my proofs for a poem of mine coming out in the December issue of Ploughshares. (Yes, I know, at this point Mayhew's eyes have rolled so far into the back of his head he can actually see the Quietude. Just kidding!) It was funny to me reading through the proofs because unlike some people's experience, Ploughshares has always taken poems of mine I actually think are among my better poems. Maybe that is because none of the poems I have published there have ever been solicited. Mine have always been in the half of the magazine that was unsolicited. Anyway, not sure now what my point was other than the fact that I like this poem. And I am glad it found a home. And that... Okay, I'll shut up now.

I think today might be a Friday afternoon roundup kind of day. Yeah, it just might be such a day.

Thursday, September 29, 2005

Teaser--Revealed

Someone I know just had his second book picked up. He knows who he is. And he knows how happy I am for him. Sorry to be such a tease. Well, I am not really sorry. Eduardo isn't the only tease around town, you know. More to follow soon.

UPDATE: Okay, I can now say something. My good friend, Rick Barot, just had his second book picked up by Sarabande Books. His first book, The Darker Fall, was published by them as winner of the Morton Prize a few years ago. I am pretty excited for him because I know how much he wanted to do his new book with Sarabande.

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Sweet

Not that any of you care (but then again that has never stopped me from posting here), but the hotel/after-party thing has been completely resolved. I was courteous, but firm. I stuck to the facts. They ended up giving us a good rate for the block, options for our guests, and they even gave us a suite for two nights free of charge after I very tactfully pointed out the grand sum we were bringing to their establishment by having the party and the room blocks there. I just wish they could have been more fair from the get go. But I guess in the business world it is all about the money.

As for the new reality show titled Groomzilla, I am definitely not in the running. Maybe I would be better suited for a role on Masterpiece Groomsmen.

Eloping to Canada is starting to seem like a good idea

Why must the people in the wedding industry be so sadistic? Why? Why must they all be so greedy and awful? Why must I have to be checking and re-checking things only to show them how they are screwing us? I am so annoyed right now. We are trying to arrange room blocks and an evening cocktail party for after the ceremony and reception. This party will easily run us more than $5,000. So, it isn't as if this hotel isn't making anything on us. So annoyed.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Thanks All

Thank you all for the good comments on my last post. I really appreciate it, even though I didn't expect it.

Today, I have been pretty busy, so I haven't had a chance before now to post or do much other than doctor stuff. I am hoping to hear back today from a caterer regarding the post wedding after-party we are trying to plan and the room blocks. Makes me want to just elope to Canada! Eloping is sounding better and better each day!!

Monday, September 26, 2005

STAR

I just found out I got an award! No, not for a poem or anything. No, not for a anything related to writing at all. I got a STAR at one of the hospitals my group practices. They give out a STAR Award every quarter to a physician, a nurse, and a staff member that exemplify the compassionate care the hospital feels is the core element of what they provide the community. Well, I received a STAR for the Third Quarter of this year. I know this will sound stupid, but you would have thought I just won a Nobel Prize the way I felt. I have never won anything in Medicine before. I have held lots of leadership positions in my specialty, but this is the first time that I received an honor only for my patient care. I'm kind of shocked. There are so many doctors that practice here. I feel so incredibly honored.

Monday AM Blues

The day did not start off well. The first message on my voice mail this morning was from radiology letting me know that a patient of mine has spread of disease to the brain. Now, I have to have a different discussion with the patient and family later this morning. We can no longer treat for cure and must now start thinking about quality of life issues and palliation of symptoms. That is never a fun discussion. It always breaks my heart. The news just ruined my morning. But it is part of the job. And it is important to make sure someone's end of life time is a comfortable and livable time. No one wants to live in pain or with neurologic symptoms, etc.

Sunday, September 25, 2005

Day of the Leather Daddies

Ron gave a fabulous reading. He, his partner, Jacob and I went out for drinks afterward in the Castro. Today was also the Folsom Street Fair, so there were leather-clad men everywhere. Ah San Francisco.

Anyway, need to get to bed seeing I have to be at the hospital bright and early tomorrow.

Ronald Palmer's Logicalogics

Some of you might remember reading the poem, "The Logic of Sex" by my good friend, Ron Palmer, in MiPo a while back. Well, I am happy to announce that his book, Logicalogics, is out from Soft Skull Press. Today, at Modern Times Bookstore in The Mission, Ron will be having a book launch reading/party at 4:00pm. From 1:00-3:00pm, he will be in the storefront window of Modern Times doing "interpretive" dance. Okay, he won't be dancing, but he will be performing stuff from his book in the window to defy the logic of a reading. If you are in the area, stop by. If not, check out his new book. Here is what the noted critic (hahahahahahaha), C. Dale Young, has to say about it:

"Against the backdrop of glib and sardonic attempts at experiment so prevalent today, Ronald Palmer's poems gleam and glimmer. What does it mean to fracture the narrative? To siphon the story through one's own body? To schism the very language we use? And how do we do this without compromising the lyric? In Logicalogics, Palmer shows us how, and he does so with a breathtaking respect for the lyric and what it can and cannot hold."
—C. Dale Young

This is one crazy, messed up book. Check out this poem at Shampoo. And check out this one at La Petite Zine. And also, this one (you have to scroll down a little) at LIT. Okay, basically go check out the whole book.


==========================

On a totally different note, my poem "Proximity" has been included in the online anthology, Enskyment. Stop by and take a gander if you have a chance. I am deeply flattered they wanted to include my little poem.

Hope you are all having a good Sunday!

Saturday, September 24, 2005

The Errors in Comprehension

Jacob and I need to run up to Sonoma today to meet with a sales manager at the hotel we are planning to use as our main hotel for the upcoming wedding. We had wanted to just stay the night up there to forego driving back to the City, but everything is sold out. Apparently, there is some festival up there this weekend.

Spent the morning so far tinkering with poems from the second book due out in early 2007. By tinkering I mean changing an article, changing one word, changing it back. Etc. Why I am doing this is beyond me.

I am re-reading John Keats' Odes. I often have to remind myself that his diction was not the norm when he was writing. His diction was ridiculed as archaic and flowery even then. But I am trying to understand the ways in which he manipulates tone by use of settings both real and imaginary. Why am I doing this? Again, I have no idea. But I am trying to see these poems from the inside out, having read them and loved them for years without a clue as to how they were put together or why they are the way they are in terms of devices and structure. I somehow feel the need right now to inhabit those poems again. I am fascinated already with his physician's eye and accuracy of natural detail. Fancy that. Ah, the young doctor-poet named Keats. It is amazing the confidence this man had. He actually dared to write that he would be considered one of the greatest English Poets, this when he was in his early twenties. Funny, he was right. The young Keats, who in the time of fever had no idea it was a contagious thing, the way we understand it today. Many in medicine then thought it was partly hereditary, as best as they understood that then. Sadly, Keats contracted his deadly illness most likely by caring for his own ill brother.

I know it is just the hypomania speaking, but I cannot shake the feeling something good is about to happen to me.

Friday, September 23, 2005

Why Sprint PCS Sucks

So, after years of putting up with Sprint, Jacob ditched them and joined me in the ranks of Cingular wireless. Sprint is amazing. Amazingly bad when it comes to customer service. Jacob had been with them for almost 5 years. When he called and asked about upgrading his plan (believe it or not he was paying $39.99 and only getting 250 anytime minutes, and night/weekends starting at 8pm), they told him they could but only if he signed a new 2 year contract. Jacob pointed out that if he were a new customer signing a two year contract, he would get a new phone for free. Sprint just doesn't get the retention of customers thing at all. So, Jacob switched to Cingular. For $39.99 he gets 450 anytime minutes, no roaming national coverage, unlimited calls to other Cingular wireless folks, 5000 night/weekend minutes, free rollover of unused minutes, and he got a new camera phone for a measly $40. So, Fuck You, Sprint.

Bagels, and Why CNN Sucks!

Yay, my week of being on call ends in less than 2 hours! Ah, the small excitements.

Scared to check on what is going on with Hurricane Rita. But I guess I will have to check on it in a minute or two. Yesterday I turned on the TV and flipped to CNN. Dear God, Wolf Blitzer was in front of a weather map talking rapidly. They had theme music playing in the background. That godforsaken ticker was streaming bad news across the bottom of the screen. My blood pressure started rising. My pulse quickened. I have decided I just cannot watch CNN at all. Everything there is brought to a fever pitch. They report everything now as if it is the first Gulf War. What the fuck! I would be surprised if CNN is to blame for an increase in the diagnosis of panic attacks in this country in the past decade.

Okay, time to head in to the hospital. It is Friday, so I better stop and buy the staff a box of bagels. I know well, after several years, that the staff expects bagels or other breakfast items on Fridays. No breakfast item equals looks of disappointment all day long. I am a strong man, but all those disappointed looks can break me.

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Damned Circuits

Trying to get in touch with a good friend of mine in Houston, but all circuits are busy. I am hoping she is evacuating or trying to do so.

More Good News

Teresa Ballard won a $3500 Fellowship and a Nanny!! Stop by and congratulate her. So much good news lately.

No More Tapas!

Went out last night for tapas at a place called "Ramblas" in the Mission. Lots of tiny cute food. Left there kind of hungry. I have decided that I don't like tapas-style places. I don't like small.

Anyway, we were there for a good bye thing for someone in Jacob's lab. It was a weird place for this because it was so noisy you couldn't hear the people next to you. The only thing super fun during the evening was Jacob's corny joke with the punchline: "I'm a lover, not a writer." I think we will need to make t-shirts up with this slogan on them for AWP and hand them out to all the sig others.

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

A Lot Depends On . . .

I have been up for a little over an hour now. Someone from the hospital called to ask me a question, so I was up and then it made no sense trying to get another 1/2 hour of sleep.

Jacob and I, thinking last night was the premiere of the new cycle of Top Model, grabbed Mexican food with our friend Ron and then sat ourselves in front of the TV. Alas, it was a retrospective of various contestants over the years. Surprisingly, some of the women booted from the various cycles early had contracts with places like Ford. And more surprisingly, some of the runners up were still trying to get contracts. I guess, like in most things, a lot depends on hard work and determination. Not sure we will be able to watch Top Model tonight because we have a social engagement already lined up.

Today, I will mostly spend my day being a teacher and an editor. But I have a new poem darting around my head. That said, it is so new that it is only a color right now, an odd image, and the immediacy of a direct address. But I know it is there. And I can see myself sometimes trying to make the connections, so I know there is something there being toyed with. We'll see if anything gels over the next few weeks. We'll see.

Manners and Manicure

Funny what the mind recalls. Outside, the ocean is all sound now that the fog has settled in. I could not sleep. Found myself wandering through the apartment until I was at the window. And then the window was open. And the air smelled strangely like burning leaves. Why this should conjure up Thom Gunn is beyond my wildest imagination. But suddenly, I thought of him. I remembered the way he carried change around with him specifically to give to the homeless. I remembered him recounting how as a young man he was chased around the table at a party by a senior, well-regarded poet who was "straight" but wanted to have him. And I remembered the way he would use his body both in language and for emphasis, something I always found odd because his voice was usually kind of quiet. There was the way he would put his right hand on your neck with his thumb right over your voicebox that was both heady in its sexual undercurrents and scarier than hell. In that position, you just looked him in the face and listened. It was in those moments you understood subservience, not of body, but of mind. In that moment, his eyes would almost burn through you. He placed his hand on you like this just as he wanted to emphasize something about poetry, the distancing and cool diction of Cavafy, for example. It made poetry seem something dangerous as he talked with his thumb over your voicebox. The smell of old leather boots. His face chiseled. And the softish quality of his voice, all manners and manicure.

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Storm

I swear to God, this is the most posts I have ever done in one day. Well, at least none of them are very long, right? There is a thunderstorm brewing outside, here in San Mateo. It reminds me of living in Florida in the Summer, when thunderstorms are a dime a dozen. The sky is dark and darker. The thunder trembles the windows and worries the leaves of trees. Everything outside looks changed and dark. It is like childhood.

Sharon Olds Kicks Some Ass!!

Never thought I would be posting such a thing. Check out this from The Nation. Olds has a few things to say to the White House.

Barbara Jane Rocks the House

Our fellow blogger, Barbara Jane, is this year's recipient of the James Laughlin Award, given by the Academy of American Poets. Stop by and congratulate her!!

Revoked

Had to take away someone's drivers license today. It was very hard. The person cried and told me I was a mean and heartless doctor. But how can I let this person drive when there is a brain tumor involved. He is on antiseizure medicines and steroids. He is not supposed to be driving. If he has a seizure or loss of consciousness on the road, he could literally kill people. So, I have to be the heartless doctor today.

Monday, September 19, 2005

More on Best American

In case you were curious about how Best American Poetry breaks down, numbers-wise, take a gander at Jeff Bahr's tally. Jeff is truly a stats man. Normally, numbers freak me out, but I found these kind of interesting, especially the fact no woman is up there on the frequent appearances list. What is up with that? I wonder why that is the case? I have certainly noticed how few women have been guest editors. Anyway, just something to mull over.

"Lyrical Chit Chat"

Michael Broder muses on lyric poetry. He does so in a very unpretentious and interesting way. Check it out, if you have a chance.

Visiting the Republic

Yesterday afternoon, after I got home from the hospital, Jacob and I went down to the Embarcadero. Jacob wanted to run into Banana Republic to look for a pair of jeans. I really wasn't up for Banana Republic, but I went anyway. Well, it was all a hopeless endeavor. Yup, within minutes of being in the store, my gay genes started transcribing out of control and I became so freakin' gay I just ran around the store buying things! I ended up buying a new pair of dark grey wool pants in pinstripes, three new dress shirts, socks, etc. I just couldn't stop myself. Well, I needed more dress shirts for work anyway. We finished up at the Embarcadero by buying me a cell phone charger for my car. God help me.

I am slowly catching up on poetry-related things. I now only have three book mss. from friends to read. And I am trying desperately to read them soon before the first wave of Fall submissions start making their way to my desk here. I finally got a reference letter finished for a poet who is going up for full Professor. Yes, I need to say "No" more often. I need to do that.

On a final note, we did finish all of Season 4 of Six Feet Under and then watched all of Season 5 over the weekend. Why? It expired today for On-Demand. In the end, I realized how much I disliked the Nate character on that show. So much narcissism.

Sunday, September 18, 2005

On Call

At the hospital , on call, trying to get a patient treated emergently. Hope to get home soon.

Saturday, September 17, 2005

TNHR

The New Hampshire Review is busy looking for poems for their next issue. Hello people. It isn't every day a magazine is looking for work, actively asking people to send. Many mags ask us not to send too often or not to send at all! So, check out this post from Ginger and then check out the guidelines. Better yet, check out their first issue. So send them some of your best poems, and tell your friends to send them some of their best poems as well.

Why Vegas With Your Parents Is a Bad Idea

My parents, having recently seen the greenhouse/conservatory at the Bellagio, have decided to remodel their garden. Heaven help me! Now I am getting hourly phone updates about pine bark and marble chips and cost comparisons. I so deserve this...

Friday, September 16, 2005

My Favorite Poem of My Own (as of today)

Well, Jeff Bahr has called me out, and since he rarely does this, I will respond. Jeff has asked that people post their favorite of their own poems. Of course, I need to specify that my favorite of my own poems changes on a daily basis. I many times think the most recently written poem of mine is my favorite. That said, the following poem is very special to me, for obvious reasons. It documents for me the first time I held Jacob's hand in public (well, in my car). It isn't my best poem. So, no pretense there. But I like it for very selfish reasons. It documents something in my life, which most of my poems do not. So, here it is (despite having been posted on this blog not that long ago):


The Dream of Autumn after Rain


Preoccupied with its treatise on viticulture,
the road winds its way through Dry Creek Valley

down past the aluminum shack and up past
the rotting fence crawling with stray vines

and the fields, an endless proof for parallel lines,
glimmering in the just-washed light that follows rain,

the fields of Vitis vinifera forced to color by the season--
amber, rusts, a freckling of crimson and pale gold.

What is it that calls us to the road?
Even without a radio, we hear Vivaldi

as the corners take us, and the fields
shimmer off this way and that, the roadside

still wet and the leaves lifting alongside us
as we race through the valley drunk on the idea

of order, of all those lines challenging each other.
The finicky white varietal from the Rhone valley

tricked into growing on a windy, terraced hillside,
the valley with its muscular creek, itself a contradiction,

the warmth of your hand holding mine fast--
how could I not dream that you dreamt about me?



Yes, I know. So sappy. But it is still one of my favorites.

Benefit

Tonight: Hospital Benefit Dinner and Auction. Need I say more? Awful, dahling. Simply wretched. If I were Lynn Freed, I would say: "Sink it, dahling, Sink it!"

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Jimmy's definitely back

Not that he ever went anywhere! But his now infamous "What the Hell Is Up With Your Author Photo" (WTHIUWYAP) is definitely back. The unfortunate target today? Paul Muldoon.

Ahoy!

So, I have been seeing a lot of flags flying around San Francisco lately. It used to be these perverse things with flowers, bunnies, snowflakes, etc. that seemed to be based on season. No idea why people would fly these. Well, starting about a few months ago, I started seeing a skull and crossbones flag, with the skull wearing a somewhat tasteful red bandana and a not so tasteful patch over the right eye socket. What is the deal with this? Well, this morning I looked out my window while drinking coffee and down below, across the street, was a house with one of these flags. It wasn't flying yesterday, but now it is. Is this some secret cult? What does this mean? Should I greet people from this house with "Arrrrrghhh!! Shiver me timbers!"?

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

More on the Paris Review

A very interesting piece on the new Paris Review. I do not feel their decision to dump most of the accepted poetry was a good one. But then again, it sounds like they had more accepted poetry than they could have handled considering their new format.

Rambling, Pointless Post

Today is errand day. Have already been running around getting stuff done. The Fall NER poetry lineup is now a wrap. I am hoping the magazine will be out late October/early November. We will see. Poetry for that issue includes: Mark Bibbins, Michael Collier, Ron de Maris, Douglas Goetsch, Charles Jensen, Laura Kasischke, William Logan, Kevin Prufer, Paisley Rekdal, Mark Rudman, and David Woo. Yes, a very male issue. It is weird, but once a year one of the issues is either very male or very female in terms of the poets. I have no idea why this happens. Last year, one of our issues had all female poets except for one. The year before, all men except for one. What are the odds? That said, it seems like this happens every year with one of the issues.

Today marks my 10 year anniversary editing poems for NER. Very hard to believe. So much has changed in my life since this day 10 years ago. I was a third-year medical student when I started at NER. The magazine had gone through a change of editors and the journal hadn't been published in a year. There were stacks and stacks of submissions in the offices in Middlebury. There were no readers. I went through over a thousand submissions on my own. I read them in my down time at the hospital. I read them in my car. I read them while eating lunch, or in the middle of the night while waiting on a patient to be transported to the floor. It was such an odd time. And when the magazine started coming out again, I had to endure some very established poets telling me how the magazine was done, washed up, would never even exist in a couple of years now that Terry Hummer was gone. I also had to deal with people who wrote me to tell me I had no business editing poetry for NER, that I had no book, no experience, etc. It wasn't a fun time, those first 2 years with NER.

In 1995, I was married to another poet. I was living in Gainesville, FL. And to be honest, I never expected to be living, years later, on the West Coast. Nor could I have ever imagined still editing poetry for NER. Back then, all I wanted was to find some time to write a few poems. And I mostly fought to have time to sleep. In many ways, it was a very unhappy time for me 10 years ago. Med school simply sucked. I joked with a friend yesterday that knowing what I know now I could never go to med school if I went back in time. As much as I love my job, I just couldn't do it. I know now what it does to a person. I know how much of one's life will be lost during med school, internship, residency, etc. Years of my life went by with me doing little outside of studying and working so hard I would forget to eat. And I won't even get into the effect that training had on me, my then partner, my psyche, etc. Let us just say I had no business being married back then. The only real husband I had then was Medicine. It demanded almost all of my time. It expected my utmost devotion. And when I wasn't at the hospital, I foolishly, selfishly, read and wrote poems. And I watched as my relationship became more and more estranged. And I watched as I became less and less myself. And even when people treated me like shit in med school and training, I went in every single day. I bought into that ridiculous mantra: "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."

My then marriage didn't make it through my residency. And when it ended, after 8 years, it was an incredible wake up call. I am still a selfish man. I still have difficulties saying "No" when asked to do things. But I am trying hard. I am trying hard to be a good man for the one I love and for my friends and family. I am trying hard not to let Medicine run my life. And when I am not at the hospital, I am trying hard not to be a selfish asshole who spends so much of his time writing and wishing for foolish things that he ignores those around him. I am becoming better at avoiding the Muse.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

SEVEN

Well, I am breaking my meme rule because the person who sent this to me did so by ESP. That said, I am not tagging anyone with this. So the meme ends here (unless I tag you with ESP).


Seven Things I Want To Do Before I Die:

1. snorkel in Bora Bora
2. have another child
3. exhibit my paintings in a major gallery
4. write at least one great poem
5. buy a home
6. change careers again or add another one
7. dance naked on a beach


Seven Things I Can Do:

1. calm down hysterical people
2. make almost any good cocktail fairly well
3. win $400 from a 25-cent slot machine
4. write effective appeal letters to insurance companies denying payment
5. eat an entire gallon of ice cream in one sitting
6. go somewhere once but never forget how to get there again
7. think in 3-D (hence #6)


Seven Things I Cannot Do:

1. sing very well
2. whistle
3. play violin
4. drive behind someone driving 15 or more miles below the speed limit
5. speak Spanish despite being able to read/write it
6. float in water (probably because of all the ice cream!)
7. sit in a movie for longer than about 90 mins without wanting to die


Seven Things That Attract Me to the Same Sex:

1. smile
2. a HUGE vocabulary
3. kindness
4. someone not afraid to poke fun at me
5. someone who can stand up to me
6. dark hair (brown or black)
7. seriousness


Seven Celebrity Crushes:

1. Antonio Banderas
2. The Young Elvis
3. The Young Elvis
4. The Young Elvis
5. The Young Elvis
6. The Young Elvis
7. The Young Elvis

Hahahaha. Yup, the young Elvis is what made me gay, folks. Yessiree.

Police, Elegies, and Divination

Last night, in my sleepy district of San Francisco, three police cars stormed into an intersection near my place. They came from three different directions. I was a little surprised because there is no jewelry store for there to be a heist. There is no club at which there would have been an altercation. The only thing near that intersection is a 7-Eleven. Anyway, I still have no idea what happened. But I didn't hang out outside to find out.

Received my contract for my poem due out in Virginia Quarterly Review any day now. I had forgotten how much they paid. God, I wish we had that kind of money to pay contributors at NER. Our budget is so paltry by comparison! Anyhoo, it will be good to see this poem in print. It is my elegy for Donald Justice. This is the poem that prompted me to re-evaluate the elegy as a form and to write that 30+ page essay I delivered a couple of times as a lecture. And doing all that research actually helped me revise the poem, which is the best case scenario, really.

Dreamt last night about hiking along a rocky shore overlooking the Pacific. It wasn't San Francisco, but I don't know where it is I was hiking. Knowing my deranged mind, I will find myself at this place within a year. My mind is weird like that. It has been that way most of my life.

Monday, September 12, 2005

Poetry Northwest

I just received a Press Release. Apparently, Poetry Northwest has been resurrected. David Biespiel has been named their new Editor. It will be twice yearly, instead of quarterly. Not sure what role the University of Washington will play in the magazine in the future, but apparently the magazine is back. It was one of our oldest poetry magazines before it lost its funding at UW and died.

Oh Celine, Please Shut Up!

Tried to post this morning, but Blogger was doing weird things. It kept freezing up and losing things. Oh well.

We had a great long weekend in Vegas with my parents. Most of this was due to Jacob. He kept me from just losing my mind at times.

Back at work. Busy seeing patients. Trying to lock up the next issue of NER. I should have everything I need to do for that issue done by tonight at some point, I hope. I have now helped to edit 40+ issues of NER. I have a very hard time believing that.

Open Note to the folks at the Bellagio: I believe a moratorium on Fountain Shows to Celine Dion songs is in order!

Thursday, September 08, 2005

Precipice

Off to Sin City this evening. Jacob and I are meeting my parents there for a long weekend. My parents are so excited they packed their suitcase on Tuesday! They just kill me. Even my Dad, who is usually quite the silent type, is apparently excited. Lord help me. At least Jacob will be there and that will occupy them. They love him to death. The new thing is my Dad dreamt Jacob and I had a kid. Now, he is convinced this is a predictive dream. Ah, the spell of prophecy. Anyway, they will be so thrilled to see Jacob that they might leave me alone a little bit. And even if they don't, Jacob has the ability to calm me down when they start driving me nuts. Oh gods of the slot machines, occupy my Mother! Hmmmm, maybe we will teach her how to play Filthy Whores.... Yeah, we will definitely have to teach her how to play Filthy Whores.

As always, we will be scanning the airport looking for ADT's brother. This has become a regular feature of going to Vegas. We start by scanning for ADT's brother. The funny thing is we have never met ADT's brother. Hell, we haven't even met ADT. But we have seen pictures of ADT and look for someone like him. Not sure what we would do if we ever actually spotted the elusive brother of Adam.

Last night, my worlds started colliding. Yes, Jacob quoted one of my blogosphere "friends." He said, while joking about ROME: "Beware the Ides of March. I'm serious! Stay the fuck away from those Ides!" Oh Rebecca Loudon, the things you have taught my sweet Jacob. Okay folks, back to clinic and being a doctor.

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Opportunity

I am happy to say I have joined the wireless bunch. It is funny, but when I got my PowerBook G4, I had the option of getting the wireless card included but thought it was silly. Not many places had wireless. And I don't surf the net at cafes or anything like that. Well, lately, when I have traveled, a lot of hotels had free wireless but I couldn't use it. I had to use the high speed lines and pay for it. And then, on another trip, the airport lounge had free wireless and Jacob could just log on and check email, but I couldn't. And then came the crushing blow! I went to Bread Loaf a few weeks ago and now they had wireless there. What the hell! I had to truck to the computer lab to get on line but if I had had wireless I could just have turned on my computer. So, I went over the weekend and bought the card. It took less than five minutes to pop it into my Mac. And now, I can use wireless. Of course, now that I have it, the opportunity to use it might not avail itself to me, but at least I can if it does.

Today has been a day of errands so far. Did my expense reports, something I hate doing. I hate it so much I usually am bad and turn in several months at one time instead of monthly. And I am doing laundry. And I am re-reading Elizabeth Bishops' Collected. Once again, I read and re-read her poem, "Brazil, January 1, 1502" and just marveled at the power and restraint of that poem. So much violence and terror lurking just beneath the surface of that poem. Incredible, really. I think it may be my favorite poem of hers.

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Quickie

Rough day so far. Very busy at the hospital. I am scarfing down some lunch right now before afternoon clinic starts. What a day!

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Our friend, Charles, has a new blog address. Whatever you do, don't visit the old one unless you want to find porn! Bad porn!!


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Why do all hospital cafeterias have such awful food?!

Monday, September 05, 2005

The Expectations

Watched the second episode of ROME. I am starting to like this series on HBO, but I am not quite committed yet. I am worried this may devolve into a modernish retelling of I, Claudius. Have any of you seen it yet? Are you hooked or still just in rubber-necking mode like me?


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Re-read some of Kenneth Koch's Selected yesterday. I was struck by the odd melancholies in his work in a way I have never been before. Yes, there is play and oddity, but there is a pensive quality to Koch that passed me by before. Not sure how that happened. I suspect I was so taken with the differences I missed the underlying aspects of that melancholic tradition. It is funny, I am re-reading Koch because of my students. Funny how teaching forces you to learn and re-learn over and over again. For this, I am grateful. There is always more to learn.


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Wonderful sunlight out today. I am so happy to have it on a day off from work. I may even walk the one and a half short blocks down to Ocean Beach to visit the Pacific. I am so accustomed to it being here, to hearing it at night, I neglect it the way one would a lover who you have grown to expect.

Sunday, September 04, 2005

The Mind's Time

Because San Francisco is buried in fog at this time of year, you must go out to the beach to see the sun set in that band of clear sky out by the horizon. And when the orange disk of sun drops quickly into the ocean, there is roughly half an hour where the light still emanates from the horizon despite there being no visible sun. And when this happens, the breakers take on a ghostly white under the darkening sky, darker even because of the fog. And in that time everything shifts and becomes doubtful: the trees become shimmering dark things void of green leaves, the streets become murky before the streetlamps light, the salt air begins to tinge with the sweet rancid smell of fish, the odor more prominent without even the slightest sunlight to oxidize and ionize it, the seagulls and pelicans morphing from birds into inky shadows reeling across the sidewalks.

Despite seeing this change countless times, I am always caught dumb during this time. The Mind's Time, I call it, when the visible world becomes more interpretable than normal, becomes more tenuous. Yesterday, Jacob and I were down by the ocean when this time came. The wind had picked up. The air became much more chilly. And those shadows sailing across the sidewalk were both beautiful and ominous. And I was thankful. Yes, I was thankful. And I wondered about what it means to be safe. And I wondered if any of us are ever safe. And I heard the rustling sound of the wind in the trees in Golden Gate Park. And for a minute, it sounded like rain.

Saturday, September 03, 2005

Laboring

Got up fairly early today to finish up reviewing one of my students' portfolios. Have also been trying to get errands done. A very unexciting day.

I did, however, get an email from Ginger Heatter of New Hampshire Review fame. Apparently, my poem "Stone and Fire, Fire and Stone" was selected as Verse Daily's Web Monthly poem for August 2005. I am not sure how this works, but I think they select a poem from an online journal to showcase each month. I might be wrong about this. Anyway, a big thanks to the folks at New Hampshire Review for publishing the poem in the first place!

I came dangerously close to checking Jacob and me into a hotel downtown for tonight and tomorrow night. But in the end, I decided it was too frivolous. We are going away next weekend anyway to meet my parents. They are flying out to meet us.

Friday, September 02, 2005

Small Request

Last night I dreamt San Francisco was drowning as the ocean rose and rose. I woke up completely panicked and realized the dream had more to do with the images I have been seeing of New Orleans than with anything else. My heart is simply breaking. The news reports are just so overwhelming. How can you read about people being beaten, raped, mauled, crushed to death at the shelters; the rescue helicopters being shot at; the dead lying everywhere and the images of some dead being eaten by rats? It just breaks my heart. New Orleans has always been one of my favorite places. I have always held it as a special place. But the images of destruction and terror is beyond anything I can even imagine. I am dumbstruck by how little our government is doing. I am dumbstruck by the leaders of the world making offers of help and our President turning down that help. If we are so mighty, if we are the great United States of America, why are our people dying in one of our largest cities like this? Why is the world laughing at us and the anarchy happening in New Orleans? It just makes me so incredibly sad.

I have donated money to the Red Cross's 2005 Hurricane Relief Fund. I beg each and every one of you to do so as well. Even if all you can donate is $10.00, please do it. We cannot have people dying of dehydration while surrounded by filthy water. We just have to do more. So, please call the Red Cross or visit their website and donate whatever money you can.

Thursday, September 01, 2005

Heathers and One Really Good Bed

Well, I know now I am definitely not alone in loving the movie Heathers. Check this out!

In one week, my parents are flying out to meet Jacob and I in one of our favorite escape places. It should be a total hoot. The only thing that would make it complete is a surprise showing from Reb Livingston. As for this weekend, we have nothing planned. We always forget to plan things for long weekends. One year, we felt so out of the loop because everyone was doing something for Labor Day that we checked in to the W Hotel in downtown SF and spent the weekend there. We went to the SFMoMA, dined out, wandered across the city. We were basically tourists in our own town. And it was actually a great time. Jacob fell in love with the W Hotel and its incredible beds! I swear they have one of the most amazing beds ever. Not sure what we will end up doing this weekend.

What are you all doing for the Labor Day Weekend?