The Pool

I don't usually take intentionally arty photos, but this would be the exception. I am not sure why but I saw this image as a painting almost the minute I realized it was in front of me. I made poor Jacob move around for almost a minute to make sure I could capture his image in the pool. Thankfully, he humored me. I like reflections. Must be the Narcissus in me. And yes, I realize how close Narcissus is to narcissist.


***************************



T.R. Hummer is leaving his post as Editor of The Georgia Review (from The Georgia Review blog). Terry did a great job with the magazine over the past 5 years. He is leaving to take a position at Arizona State University. Terry has been editor of a lot of magazines over the years: Kenyon Review, NER, Georgia Review, etc. I think it is a testament to the man how much attention he has brought to authors over the many years. I still feel as if I work with his ghost, even though he is still alive.


***************************


Clue: Tundra.


***************************




This is Jacob and me on the White Pass Train about 2400 Ft above Skagway, AK. We were surrounded by snow, the whiteness of snow.

Have a good weekend!


***************************

The Worker Bees?

"Between 20,000 to 30,000 bees comprise the typical hive. Although the average lifespan of a bee is brief—only six weeks—the queen populates the hive prodigiously, keeping pace with the high mortality rate. A healthy queen bee will produce as many as 1,000 eggs a day.1

Between 20,000 to 30,000 students have earned graduate degrees in creative writing during the past ten years. This spring, another 2,000 to 3,000 graduates will join their ranks. Each year, about 900 new books of poetry are published in North America. Each year, across all genres, as many as 200,000 new books are published in North America. Although many writers stop writing and publishing, others soon take their place."


--D.W. Fenza, "The Words & the Bees: Advice for Graduating MFA Students in Writing," AWP Chronicle, May/Summer 2006.


Does anyone else find this a little disturbing?


***************************

Clean Up

I just realized that after tomorrow I won't be back at the hospital until July 17th. It is time for me to don my teacher hat and head off to Asheville. I have to do a lot of clean up tomorrow before heading off.


**************************************


A patient gave me Chex Mix today as a gift. I have never gotten that as a gift before. It made me grin. I love it.


**************************************


I have gotten 4 resumes already from people willing to write my poems for me. Remember, salaries are negotiable. Benefits, as well.


**************************************

Why I Don't Go to High School Reunions

Any group event that has primarily doctors as guests is boring. Why? Because they invariably cannot have a conversation that doesn't involve Medicine. For God's sake, there isn't even the gossip aspect of conversation one finds in a room full of writers or artists. There is nothing but discussion of insurance plans and patient care. I mean, come on! Why must doctors by and large be so socially inept? The ones who are interesting, who can have a normal conversation, seem so few and far between. It makes me wonder how on earth they carry on a conversation with their patients.


***************************


I just discovered, from Justin Evan's blog, something truly terrifying. A guy I went to high school with is an actor now. His name is Billy Crudup. I had no idea he was an actor. I googled and sure enough, it is the same guy who sat next to me in High School Chemistry.



How freakin weird! I went to college with Chris O'Donnell and high school with Billy Crudup.


***************************


Off to Asheville on Monday night. The red-eye to the East Coast is becoming far too familiar to me.


***************************


Clue: Bonus Play...


***************************

Such Reticence

Oh the MFA and the "life" in Poetry. Jim sums it up pretty well here, in one of his infamous cartoons. Yup, Jim remains the "most hated yet lovable guy in the Poetry Blogosphere". And yes, I know I owe him money now for linking to his blog.


***************************


I found a cool site named Drop Send that allowed me to email the Author Photo mega sized jpg files. I had no idea such services existed. And it was free!


***************************


Okay, writing about clouds didn't suit me. To be honest, after declaring I was going to only write about clouds, I didn't even write one line. What can I say? I lied. Clouds just don't do it for me. I have decided to just hire poets to write poems for me. You know, just hang out at home and have poems come in over the transom. The ones I like I would keep, sign my name to it, and then send it out to a mag. I mean painters have done it for years. Maybe I would change a few words here and there the way Mavrovich adds some authentic paint to a giclee and then send out the poems. Then I would be able to "write" say 25 poems a year. Maybe I would even sell the poems to people after tinkering with them, sell them as limited editions. Hey, I am liking the sound of this more and more. I will begin accepting resumes shortly. I pay a lot. I am not The Poetry Foundation, but I have some money lying around.


***************************



SOME TREES


These are amazing: each
Joining a neighbor, as though speech
Were a still performance.
Arranging by chance

To meet as far this morning
From the world as agreeing
With it, you and I
Are suddenly what the trees try

To tell us we are:
That their merely being there
Means something; that soon
We may touch, love, explain.

And glad not to have invented
Some comeliness, we are surrounded:
A silence already filled with noises,
A canvas on which emerges

A chorus of smiles, a winter morning.
Place in a puzzling light, and moving,
Our days put on such reticence
These accents seem their own defense.


--John Ashbery


***************************

Immunity?

Could this really be true? I have a hard time believing it, but it does offer an explanation that is based on genetics but doesn't rely entirely on genetics either. I just don't know. I do know that homosexuality appears to be x-linked when you look at population studies. Maybe this is why. Maybe it isn't really an x-linked genetic factor but a protein manipulation via one's mother's body. Maybe a mother's immune system is more dangerous than we ever thought. Or maybe this is, as one scientist proposed, an evolutionary thing. Families with gay men typically conserved resources. But that will change as gay men become more family oriented (as in wanting their own families). Anyway, I know I am rambling and not making any sense, but I find this both fascinating and terrifying at the same time. Now we will see the research proposals pop up on how to prevent such a thing from happening. The haters will always seek a way to eradicate us.

The Terror, The Terror

Ginger's poem is up at Poetry Daily today. Check it out. Talk about a nice reception for your first published poem!


**************************************


The scanning went okay. Now to get them to New York.


**************************************


Sometimes, I just lurve Jordan Davis. Yeah, I know I am married. And yeah, I know he isn't on my team. But with a mind (sic) like this, it is hard not to have a crush.


**************************************


Clue: Drowning in paperwork, swimming in charts...


**************************************

Brazos Will Live On

Brazos Bookstore in Houston has been saved. This is a very good thing, especially considering the Literary Bookstore seems to be on the endangered list now.


***************************

Photos, Poems, and the American Way

Apparently, Jacob's lab has a state of the art scanner with ridiculously high dpi. I should have known. All those figures, gels, blots, etc. that are photographed for scientific papers must be scanned, right? So, today at 6pm, I am meeting him in his lab and scanning the author photo. It will cost me nothing. Yay!


***************************


PRIDE was a blast, as always. Packed as always. And we are slightly sunburnt, as always.


***************************


Fishhouse has a bunch of Amaud Johnson's poems up at their site. Amaud's book, Red Summer, came out this past spring from Tupelo after winning their Dorset Prize. He very much deserved to win this prize. These are good poems.


***************************


I didn't remember Russ Feingold being such a level-headed and articulate person. Are we sure he is a politician? Anyway, check out this little video clip:






***************************

Quantus tremor est futurus

We had a fabulous dinner last night, and Verdi's Requiem was amazing. I was riveted, and it seemed most of the audience was as well. Whatever people want to say, there is still a strange power hidden deep within the words of the Latin mass. It captivates. It mesmerizes. Despite having never heard Verdi's Requiem, I knew the lyrics, so to speak. And the mezzo-soprano, Stephanie Blythe, was simply phenomenal. I mean heartbreakingly good! The musicians and chorus were wonderful. It all combined to be something almost heavenly. Despite the fact Mozart's Requiem and Brahms' German Requiem remain my favorite of the genre, Verdi's is an amazing piece. I will have to listen to it again. I am almost 100% sure Jacob has it among his hundreds of classical music CD's in his studio.


***************************


England vs. Ecuador in the background. I actually want England to win, hence I am not watching. If I want a team to win and I watch, they lose!


***************************


July is just around the corner. Before I know it, I will be flying to Asheville for eleven days.


***************************


Jacob is making blueberry muffins. The whole house smells tasty.


***************************



OFTEN I AM PERMITTED TO RETURN TO A MEADOW



as if it were a scene made-up by the mind,
that is not mine, but is a made place,


that is mine, it is so near to the heart,
an eternal pasture folded in all thought
so that there is a hall therein


that is a made place, created by light
wherefrom the shadows that are forms fall.


Wherefrom fall all architectures I am
I say are likenesses of the First Beloved
whose flowers are flames lit to the Lady.


She it is Queen Under The Hill
whose hosts are a disturbance of words within words
that is a field folded.


It is only a dream of the grass blowing
east against the source of the sun
in an hour before the sun's going down


whose secret we see in a children's game
of ring a round of roses told.


Often I am permitted to return to a meadow
as if it were a given property of the mind
that certain bounds hold against chaos,


that is a place of first permission,
everlasting omen of what is.



--Robert Duncan


***************************

High Resolution

Germany vs. Sweden going on in the background. Verdi's Requiem tonight after dinner at Jardiniere. Lots of errands to do this morning. Thank God for coffee.


***************************


Watched the final episode of Queer as Folk last night. It sucked. The last 4 episodes in the last season kind of stunk. Oh well.


***************************


Found a lab that can make a high resolution scan of my new author photo so that it can be used by a printer. Unfortunately, they aren't open on the weekends. But I am off on Monday so I should be able to get down there and drop off the photo pretty early on Monday.


***************************



Clue: Mmmmmmmmmm, Donuts.



***************************

Hanged

I keep daydreaming images of the hanged man. Four times today already. The Hanged Man.


**************************************


You know you have the best staff in the world when they make hot fudge sundaes to celebrate Friday. Yes!


**************************************


Clue: "Deus ex machina"


**************************************

VD

Just discovered that James Hoch's poems from the current isue of NER are up at Verse Daily today. I had no idea. How odd. Anyway, wonderful exposure for James. Stop by and check out the poems. One of Hoch's poems also made it to Jordan's Poem List (#652).

Frida, Freida, Friday

I was nominated and accepted the nomination. There was an election. I discovered this morning that I am now on the Board of Directors of a Medical Association. I now represent a chunk of doctors in California. I now have even more work to do. I have got to learn how to say NO. That said, this is an important thing. And I am honored and happy to do it.


**************************************


Matt Hart has a blog. Matt is a great guy and a good poet. Check him out.


**************************************


Talk about flipping your wig!


**************************************


Clue: Lanai


**************************************

With Candy

OMG, I just found out about this, thanks to my friend Sean Singer. I can't wait to see it! I loved the TV show. It was Sooooooo WRONG, it was right!


***************************


Jacob and I need to try to buy a house in about a year. I am not sure why, but this terrifies me to no end. All that lingo: escrow, points, blah blah blah. It just freaks me the sh*t out! I have friends who have done it, so I think we can, too. But this is one of those blindspots in my life. I just don't have a clue.


***************************


My massage therapist left the Japanese Hot Springs to go do acupuncture on his own. I know this will sound melodramatic, but I am totally saddened by this. He was the best. I mean he was just amazing. None of the others are as good. None of the others can tailor a combination of deep muscle and shiatsu to me and my messed up neck and shoulders. I'm kind of sad about the whole thing. I have been seeing him at least 203 times a month for over 16 months now.


***************************


I have decided that from now on I am only going to write poems about clouds. Yup. I am going to write nothing but cloud poems. Wordsworth will rise from the grave and rip my freakin head off!


***************************


Clue: Janus.


***************************

Beautiful Thing

This weekend is San Francisco's biggest outdoor party. On Saturday, roughly 200,000 people will flood the Castro to revel. And on Sunday, 800,000+ people will be out celebrating and watching the Parade. Yup, it is Gay PRIDE weekend. If you haven't been to PRIDE in SF, it is hard to explain what it is like. The first time I ever went to a PRIDE event was in Boston as a college student. I didn't really go; I kind of ran into it. I wasn't out then. I thought it was a big event. But it really wasn't that big. But San Francisco's PRIDE is unreal. The most shocking thing, hundreds and hundreds of thousands of straight people! Yeah, in San Francisco, PRIDE is a time for everyone to celebrate. I mean everyone. It isn't common to see entire families, straight families, out watching the Parade. Even straight men come to it (though I suspect it is because they want to get drunk and hang out at Civic Center, which is not too different from why the gay guys are there). There are entire streets that become clubs. There is food everywhere. People everywhere. And of course, where else are there so many topless Dykes on Bikes revving their engines and yelling in bullhorns? What is more surprising to me is that although we expect straight folk in SF to come to the Parade and celebration, there is a growing contingent of them coming into the city for the weekend from all parts of the country. In a way, SF PRIDE is becoming the American Carnivale. Hotels are already booked up. Reservations at many restaurants are scarce. I think this is a beautiful thing.


**************************************


Getting ready to withdraw poems from a certain magazine. It is awkward. I consider the editor a friend, but he is taking way too long. I don't sim sub, so it is reaching the point where I may need to pull them. I know he will be annoyed with me, but I am not sure what else to do. Plus I have a couple of places that have asked to consider poems. I don't have anything to send other than the poems already out.


**************************************


I just got the best news ever this morning. A patient of mine, who had a very advanced and terrible cancer, finished treatment a while back and had his PET scan a few days ago; there is no sign of cancer anywhere. When I telephoned him, he broke down and started crying on the phone. He had originally been told there was no way to do surgery, no real cure. He had already resigned himself to die. He just started sobbing and saying he wasn't sure what to do now. When I restated that there was no sign of cancer (because I thought he misunderstood me), he said he understood but that he now had to remember how to live. He said he had prepared himself for the worst. He hadn't prepared himself for the best. He made me choke up on the phone. I had to go to the restroom and wash my face afterward.


**************************************

Somebody Help Me, Please...

You know your life isn't exciting when the thing you are most excited about in the day is that you get to fund your retirement account. Dear God. I have to be at my all time most dull right now.


**************************************


This morning, I spent 12 mins searching the parking lot and walkway to the hospital for my missing cell phone. I was totally panicked. I was quite sure I had put it in the car when I left the house. Right as I was about to go into full blown freak out, I realized I was talking on my cell phone with my friend N. the entire time. I couldn't find the phone in my pocket because I was talking to N. and holding it to my ear! This is a new low for me. I was so embarrassed. Thank God I didn't say anything like "N. I am freaking out because I can't find my cell phone." Then again, I just told you about it, so I may as well have done that. Hopeless.


**************************************


Clue: Pitcher, not a Catcher...


**************************************

The Real Number

I am totally getting my ass spanked this week at work. It isn't like I have a ton of consults; it is just that a lot of small things keep cropping up that need to be dealt with urgently. My days so far this week at the hospital have been tough. I am a little worn out already. Thank God my partner is only gone for a week.


**************************************


This makes me incredibly sad. I love that city. I thought it was a true gem among American cities, a city with a very distinct flavor and an incredible history. Now, it remains in ruins. I had hoped we would resurrect it. Now, I am afraid no Phoenix will rise from the ashes:

While there have been 12 official suicides in the city so far this year, he and Kathleen Crapanzano, the director of the state's Office of Mental Health, said the real number was far higher, because of many self-inflicted deaths that remained officially unclassified or were wrongly described as accidents.


**************************************


Mexico and Portugal this morning. Go Mexico. Two wins behind you already, so kick Portugal's ass!


**************************************

Papi?

I swear I am not turning into Jordan Davis with the multiple posts per day, but I had to post this. A patient of mine came for followup and her sister came with her. After the visit, the sister came up to me in the hallway and said, "You sure you married, Papi?" Then she stuck her phone number in my front pocket!!!!! I mean all the way down my pocket!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is wrong in so many ways. And am I really "Papi" material? Jesus.

Four Way

June is quickly coming to a close. Don't miss the open reading period at Four Way Books. They are a great press. And they are growing and changing into an even better press! So, don't miss the chance.

Galactica, Bricks, & Amulets

Charlie continues the entertaining Legitimate Dangers Deathmatch. In the ring today, Dana Levin and Juliana Spahr.


**************************************


We finished watching the first season of Battlestar Galactica last night. What a great show. I am still in shock. I had assumed it would be the typical sci-fi bad miniseries on the Sci-Fi Channel, but it is actually really well-written. And the acting is pretty darned good. Now I think we have to get the Second Season because the cliffhanger was brutal. We are dying to know what happened.


**************************************


I got, via snail mail yesterday, the most bizarre solicitation. For a mere $7,999.00, some publicity company will market my new book. They somehow seem to think it is already out (no doubt from trolling pub catalogs and seeing the old listing for Zoo Press). Anyhoo, they promise to get my book into at least 12 brick and mortar bookstores, and they promise national exposure. They even guarantee talk show coverage and a pitch to a movie production company. Huh? Well, anyway, I ripped that sh*t up! What the hell. Have any of you gotten this ridiculous scam solicitation?


**************************************


This Saturday, we are going to hear Verdi's Requiem this Saturday at the San Francisco Symphony. I am kind of excited because I love Requiem's and have never heard this one performed live. My favorite Requiem is still a toss up between Mozart's and Brahms' German Requiem. We'll see if Verdi topples either one for me.


**************************************


Clue: Ringed stalk, green amulet, perfect stalker.


**************************************

Sometimes...

Sometimes, you do good. Sometimes, you don't even know how, but you do good. A patient of mine, who had his prostate removed as treatment for prostate cancer many years ago, had his cancer come back. He was told nothing could be done for him except hormone suppression. He had originally seen me when he was originally diagnosed but was too afraid of radiation. He opted for surgery. He remembered me and found me. I told him I would offer him salvage radiation therapy. I treated the prostate bed and his lymph node regions. I saw him recently and he appears to be cured. His PSA keeps going down. It is now under 0.5 ng/ml. It has been years since I treated him. One of his doctors told me I was being an aggressive fool. Well, as Ted Phillips, the former Chairman of Radiation Oncology at UCSF used to say: "If you don't treat people for cure, you won't cure any of the people you treat." Ah, Ted Phillips. He really was one of the Giants of Radiation Oncology. I consider myself truly lucky to have studied with him.


**************************************


I have got to find a place that can do a high resolution scan of my author photo. And soon!


**************************************


Okay, time to finish up chart work so I can head home.


**************************************

Twice-canceled Postage Stamp

The trip back went fairly well. It was a pretty fun weekend. Reno remains such an odd place. It really cannot be compared to Vegas except for the fact there are casinos there. But then again, it seems like there are now casinos everywhere. I swear to God there must be 10 times the number of Indian casinos today as there were 5 years ago.


***************************


My partner is off this whole week, so no day off from the hospital for me. But I will make that up next week with two days off, which should give me the time to finish up errands and things before heading off to Asheville.


***************************


PARADISE MOTEL


Millions were dead; everybody was innocent.
I stayed in my room. The President
Spoke of war as of a magic love potion.
My eyes were opened in astonishment.
In a mirror my face appeared to me
Like a twice-canceled postage stamp.

I lived well, but life was awful.
There were so many soldiers that day,
So many refugees crowding the roads.
Naturally, they all vanished
With a touch of the hand.
History licked the corners of its bloody mouth.

On the pay channel, a man and a woman
Were trading hungry kisses and tearing off
Each other's clothes while I looked on
With the sound off and the room dark
Except for the screen where the color
Had too much red in it, too much pink.


--Charles Simic



***************************

Jingoism, Accents, and Poison

We flew Southwest from Oakland to Reno/Tahoe last night. At one point, there were three different flights supposedly leaving from our gate at the same time. Can we say ZOO? It was insane. And somehow, they have not yet discovered air conditioning at the Oakland Airport. So, it was interesting, to say the least. Despite all that, we got here last night around 9:15, only 20 mins late. I have never flown Southwest before, but I can't say I will be chomping at the bit to do it again in the near future.


***************************


The Geicko gecko is a little scary in that commercial where all it talks about is chips, in a strangely Aussie/Kiwi accent. It wanders across a branch over a stream. And it is just freaky.


***************************


Poor Czech Republic. At this point in time, Ghana is just not giving them a break. Ghana is just not letting anything through! I love the jingoistic sentiment of ABC. We are watching the Ghana/Czech game, but all they can talk about is the US/Italy game later today. They keep saying the US has never won a World Cup on European soil. Well, has the US ever won a World Cup? My money is on Brazil. I love Brasilia.


***************************


Thinking again about Virginia. For the past two weeks, I keep daydreaming images of that year I spent there. I have no idea why.


***************************


Oh, the ingredient in baked goods from which we can extract a powerful poison is the almond. From it, we get cyanide! How is that for tasty?


***************************

How the Machine Makes a Machine

I am just praying today I can stay on time and on track in clinic so I can leave on time. You just never know, going in, what the day is going to be like, no matter whether or not you checked the schedule the night before. Things can get crazy very quickly. Also praying the Bay Bridge traffic isn't such that it takes us 2 hours to get to Oakland.


***************************


Well, today is my last day over at The Poetry Foundation website. Spent some time talking about composition and the different ways poets do that. I have always been fascinated by how the machine makes a machine, how things everywhere get incorporated into the machine until it becomes a living thing, not just a skeleton. Yes, I know, a little out there. But maybe some of you get what I am getting at here. Anyway, if you have a chance or any interest, the final entry is here.


***************************


I have finally finished Rodney Koeneke's Rouge State. I liked it a lot. And it isn't nearly as experimental as some would have you believe (Nothing ever really is THAT "experimental". I mean, all Poetry is an experiment of one kind or another, really.) I think it is firmly entrenched in a Modernist Tradition. You can see Eliot's hand. But you can also see Jacques Lacan and 1980's Roller Rinks. It is a good book. Now I just found out he has another book out. Ah, more to read.


***************************


I have the opening of Kind of Blue in my head. I have no idea why. I mean I love Miles Davis, have ever since the first time I heard his music in a sleazy jazz bar in New York when I was 13. Leave to my brother to take me to a bar when I wasn't even legal in order to hear music. He got me to like Jazz. But he never got me to like the Blues. He tried and tried. Well, you never know. Maybe someday I will like the Blues. But for now, I have the opening of Kind of Blue in my head. Woke up with it there. The playfulness of the horn. I cannot get it out of my head.


***************************

I May Soon Stop Taking All Unsolicited Emails

Just because I believe something is good doesn't mean you have to agree. Just because I think a book is one of the best published in the last decade doesn't mean you have to agree either. NOTHING in Literature or the Arts is absolute, so anything I say or write is obviously from my point of view. From the tenor of the 7 emails I got today, no doubt generated by my post at The Poetry Foundation website, it is clear folks would prefer no one ever say they like or admire someone's work. It appears we would rather read nasty criticism that rips everyone to shreds.

Yes, I like Siken's book, Crush. No I do not know Siken, nor are we close. I met him once when he came to SF and had a very rushed dinner with him. No, I have never slept with him, since some of you clearly think this from your emails. And no, we do not work together. I think his book is good, one of the best I have read in a long time. I stand behind that. End of story. Am I not entitled to my own opinions? I was warned by my friend, Ron, yesterday that this would happen. I thought he was nuts. He was right. Really, this is about my not raving about another book, maybe your own. It isn't about Siken, it is about jealousy. Well, too bad. I didn't write a post to praise every poet in America. I praise what I want to, and that is all I can do.

Not Too Cranky

Battlestar Galactica is more than addicting. I think we are a little past the halfway mark in the first season. We just cannot stop watching it. It really is pretty well written. And it really isn't anything like the original BG I remember watching as a kid.


***************************


Today, over at The Poetry Foundation, I ramble a little bit about "marketability" and its effects on Poetry Publishing. I specifically think about the proliferation of "themed" manuscripts. It is a little cranky, but not too cranky.


***************************


My partner, Lisa, is off today and tomorrow and all of next week. I am flying solo in clinic until she gets back. I will be busy, to say the least.


***************************


Just remembered we are in Reno/Tahoe this weekend for Jacob's grandmother's birthday. We wimped out and are flying up. We just couldn't stomach the 5-6 hour drive Friday night or Sunday afternoon. When traffic isn't bad, you can do it in 3.5 hours. But the traffic between SF and the Tahoe area at peak times on Friday and Sunday is brutal. The flight is 40 mins tops. I have never flown to Reno, but I like the idea of 40 mins much better than 5-6 hours.


***************************


Clue: Swingline...


***************************

Oh, Go Google Yourself!

I swear to God I am not making this up! In my inbox today was spam sent by "Sylvia Plath." It's subject line was "eye'll mke you H@RD!" I just about fell over laughing at the idea of Plath sending out such an email. I didn't dare open it. I hit the "This is spam" button as quickly as I could.


**************************


And yes, I realize my posts over at The Poetry Foundation are more "thoughtful" than they are here. Sue me! Jeez. What is with you people? It's The Poetry Foundation website. The posts are supposed to relate to poetry and poetry stuff. I am not going to post pictures of half-naked folks over there! And I am not going to talk about Battlestar Galactica over there either.


**************************


A friend of mine, on the phone today, said "I just want to be Googled. I mean, you get Googled all the time." Sadly, my filthy mind couldn't stop thinking about how dirty that sounded. I kept giggling/smirking in a kind of Beavis/Butthead way.


**************************

Two Doctors

Donald Hall is the new Poet Laureate to follow Ted Kooser. Interesting.


***************************


Another examination of Bishop's recently published uncollected poems, drafts, etc. This time from Meghan O'Rourke, Culture Editor at Slate and Poetry Editor of The Paris Review. This article is among the more intelligently written I have seen on the subject.


***************************


Well, if you ever wanted to know how I became Poetry Editor at NER, today's post over at The Poetry Foundation will satisfy your curiosity. I even offer a few words about why I keep editing poetry. NER has been a great education for me. It has been a great opportunity, for which I still feel lucky. Anyway, stop by and check out the post. All of this week, you get to observe me rambling in two separate places.


***************************


I have been up forever despite this being my day off. Am on call. Got paged before the sun came up this morning. I couldn't go back to sleep.


***************************



AGE


Most explicit--
the sense of trap


as a narrowing
cone one's got


stuck into and
any movement


forward simply
wedges once more--


but where
or quite when,


even with whom,
since now there is no one


quite with you--Quite? Quiet?
English expression: Quait?


Language of singular
impedance? A dance? An


involuntary gesture to
others not there? What's


wrong here? How
reach out to the


other side all
others live on as


now you see the
two doctors, behind


you, in mind's eye,
probe into your anus,


or ass, or bottom,
behind you, the roto-


rooter-like device
sees all up, concludes


"like a worn-out inner tube,"
"old," prose prolapsed, person's


problems won't do, must
cut into, cut out . . .


The world is a round but
diminishing ball, a spherical


ice cube, a dusty
joke, a fading,


faint echo of its
former self but remembers,


sometimes, its past, sees
friends, places, reflections,


talks to itself in a fond,
judgemental murmur,


alone at last.
I stood so close


to you I could have
reached out and


touched you just
as you turned


over and began to
snore not unattractively,


no, never less than
attractively, my love,


my love--but in this
curiously glowing dark, this


finite emptiness, you, you, you
are crucial, hear the


whimpering back of
the talk, the approaching


fears when I may
cease to be me, all


lost or rather lumped
here in a retrograded,


dislocating, imploding
self, a uselessness


talks, even if finally to no one,
talks and talks.


--Robert Creeley


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Light Topics

Well, just discovered we are going to Reno/Tahoe this weekend. It is Jacob's grandmother's 75th birthday, so we are heading up to take her to dinner, etc.


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Today is Day Two of my blogging stint at The Poetry Foundation website. Today, I tackle bias and prejudice. Ah yes, such light and airy topics, no?


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Cancer Conference this morning. Longish Day ahead. Northern California Radiation Oncology Society meeting tonight after work. Just found out I have been nominated for the Board of Directors of my county medical society. I have got to learn how to say NO.


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Clue: A source of poison also found in so many baked goods.


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Through the Cracks

This has been a very bizarre day in clinic. Is some planet in retrograde or something? All kinds of strange stuff today. Patients not showing up. People not scheduled to be here showing up. I feel like I am doing every thing I can just to make sure something isn't dropped through the cracks. A very strange day, indeed.


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Eduardo made it home safely. I was kind of worried about him after his admission he cannot read maps.


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Remember that weird quiz that was running around the poetry blogosphere almost a year ago, the "Which Modern American Poet are You" one? The funny thing is someone just emailed me a link to it because he took the quiz and came up John Ashbery. I vaguely remember that many of us who took that test came out as John Ashbery. But not every one. I still remember a certain unruly servant who believed he kept coming up as O'Hara because of his desire to read porn mags! Anyway, the quiz seems to be coming round again. This time I refuse to take it. I see enough of Mr. Ashbery in my dreams.


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Clue: Antico of the Port...


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Here But Not Here

Today's poem over at Poetry Daily is by James Longenbach and appears in the current issue of NER. Check it out when you have a chance.


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I am the guest blogger over at the Poetry Foundation. I will still be posting here as usual. Stop on by to see what I am up to over there. Today, I am discussing mentorship and how we learn to give ourselves permission to do what we need to do.


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I am now totally addicted to Battlestar Galactica. We ended up watching the miniseries and the next 4 episodes over the weekend. It is pretty well written and there is decent acting. As Jacob points out, it doesn't seem like Sci-fi.


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Birthdays abound. Today is Steve's birthday. Wish him well.


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Clue: Not psychotic.


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The French Connection (revised)

Jordan Davis is calling out for hugs. No lie! Why? Today is his birthday. Stop by and show the man some love.

Addendum: It is also Deb Ager's birthday! Apparently, it is a popular day for poets to be born. Ben Jonson, David Lehman, and Joyelle McSweeney are among the poets born today.



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Homemade lemon bars were added to the desert program last night. Many were eaten. I ate none. I am just not a fan of the lemon bar.


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My French cyberstalker is still visiting and reading anywhere between 23 and 30 posts of mine each day. Hi Frenchie!


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Mmmmmmmmmm, pumpkin bread, fresh coffee, melon, and fresh orange juice. Must be Sunday after all.


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I've decided to be even MORE shocking. Clue: Filthy. Hahahahahahahaha.


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From the Fog City

I have been meaning to post this photo for some time now. I took it as we were sailing under the bridge (on the cruiseship). No matter how many times I see this bridge, I never stop loving it. How can you not love this bridge?


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Dinner tonight:

Appetizers served with Chandon Blanc de Noir Sparkling wine

Endive salad (lemon vinagrette)

Roasted Chicken

Potato and Cheese Casserole

Broccoli Casserole

Bogle 2004 Old Vine Zinfandel

For desert: Apple Pie with Vanilla Ice Cream topped with caramel


I am gaining weight just reading this!


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The Hours

I am having a lot of difficulty motivating today. I just feel incredibly lazy. And I actually have a lot to do. Basically, all I seem to be interested in is our small dinner party this evening. And that is hours and hours away.


***************************


We have been watching the last season of Queer as Folk. You know, it just isn't as good as it was early on. It got a little too predictable. About to start watching the new Battlestar Galactica series. All the people who have recommended it to me aren't even sci-fi nuts, so there must be something there. Oh Netflix.


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I know it is sick, but I actually add two teaspoons of sugar to my frosted flakes.


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Clue: Auto Shut Off


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In the Crosshairs

Today I will not be doing the TGIF dance at the end of the day: I am on-call starting today at 5:00pm. Gag! I feel like I was just on-call not that long ago.


**************************


Next week, I will be the guest blogger at The Poetry Foundation Website. So, you will have to stop on by their site to check up on me. That said, I will still be posting things here, on occasion, in addition... Don't worry, I will leave links to help finding me from day to day. I will leave bread crumbs behind.


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And what is up with this? Remember Coors? The company many a gay man boycotted because of their discriminatory policies in the workplace, etc. Well, now, they are going after gays with a vengeance. No, they aren't planning a mass lynching. They are going after our wallets! Don't believe me. Then what about THIS ad...



I mean, really. If that isn't targeting gay men, then I don't know what is. In fact, this ad is targeting young gay men. Oh Coors, get a clue. We don't like beer. We like a stiff cocktail. You need to be targeting another gay clientele. I am sure Coors has spent tons of money on this. So sad they don't realize some basics of the gay world. Oh well. Maybe Pete Coors will just have to buy one less car.


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Clue: One is Never Enough...


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Portents and Pebbles

I just found out that the poem by James Longenbach in the current issue of NER will appear at Poetry Daily on Monday, June 12th. That is great for Jim. PD offers our poets a readership far greater than anything we can offer, greater than most any magazine can offer.


***************************


The submission season has ended, and now to clear off the desk of the last stuff still making its way through the consideration process. Every year, our number of submitted poems goes up. If this continues this way, I don't think we will be able to handle the number of poems in 5 years! We have gone from 1 reader to 2 readers to 3 readers. Since we pay our readers, adding a 4th or 5th would not be a small expense percentage-wise. The odd thing is our increase in subscribers doesn't come close, percentage wise, to the increase in poems. But this isn't a new problem. I just don't know of many new solutions.


***************************


And thanks to those who sent emails about the OKD poem I posted yesterday. That said, the thanks really go to Olena for writing the poem in the first place.


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Do Not...

Have any of you ever stayed down in the Big Sur/Carmel area on the Coast? Any great places that won't break the budget near incredible scenery? I have never been down there, and I think I need to go.


***************************


No, the rumor is not true. I am NOT the new Poetry Editor of ___________. I didn't even apply for the job.


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six apologies, lord


I Have Loved My Horrible Self, Lord.
I Rose, Lord, And I Rose, Lord, And I,
Dropt. Your Requirements, Lord. 'Spite Your Requirements, Lord,
I Have Loved The Low Voltage Of The Moon, Lord,
Until There Was No Moon Intensity Left, Lord, No Moon
   Intensity Left
For You, Lord. I Have Loved The Frivolous, The Fleeting, The
   Frightful
Clouds. Lord, I Have Loved Clouds! Do Not Forgive Me, Do Not
Forgive Me LordandLover, HarborandMaster,
   GuardianandBread, Do Not.
Hold Me, Lord, O, Hold Me

Accountable, Lord. I Am
Accountable. Lord.

Lord It Over Me,
Lord It Over Me, Lord. Feed Me

Hope, Lord. Feed Me
Hope, Lord, Or Break My Teeth.

Break My Teeth, Sir, 

In This My Mouth.



--Olena Kalytiak Davis

I still love this poem. Just love it.


***************************

The Simulacrum

Here we are with our "best persons".


***************************


Rereading some Baudrillard essays today. The images of capital and their production/perpetuation seem strangely important to me today. Not sure why.


***************************


Anyone see the remake of the Omen movie? Any good? The original was pretty freakin' freaky!


***************************


Just got the new issue of Pleiades. Hoping to sit down with it today as well.


***************************


Four Way Books is currently reading general submissions of Poetry and Fiction. Their guidelines are here. They even take submissions electronically. FWB is a phenomenal press. If you have a manuscript, you should think about sending. The processing fee is only $15.00 (necessary to cover the expenses of processing, which they detail in their guidelines). Anyway, think about it.


***************************

Late in the Day

3 of my favorite people in the whole world: Rick Barot, Geri Doran, and Jacob (my beloved). The wedding photos continue, much to the chagrin of many.


**************************************


It has been a crazy day, hence the reason I am so late in posting. Today was crazier than yesterday. We had one of our linear accelerators go down. It just stopped talking to the computer, and so we couldn't use it to treat.


**************************************


I hate the man who invented Cherry Coke. And you know it had to be a man who invented it.


**************************************


Do you feel lucky?


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Their Dirty Glistening Torsos

Today was one of those days where things just went wrong, time and time again. It is a miracle nothing bad happened to any of our patients. But everything in the clinic today was out of whack. Trying isn't even good enough a word for it. Oddly enough, it was also the kind of day where I felt 100% sure I was doing what I was supposed to be doing. Hard to explain it further.


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Hassle, hassle. Whatever.


***************************


A STEP AWAY FROM THEM


It's my lunch hour, so I go
for a walk among the hum-colored
cabs. First, down the sidewalk
where laborers feed their dirty
glistening torsos sandwiches
and Coca-Cola, with yellow helmets
on. They protect them from falling
bricks, I guess. Then onto the
avenue where skirts are flipping
above heels and blow up over
grates. The sun is hot, but the
cabs stir up the air. I look
at bargains in wristwatches. There
are cats playing in sawdust.

On
to Times Square, where the sign
blows smoke over my head, and higher
the waterfall pours lightly. A
Negro stands in a doorway with a
toothpick, languorously agitating.
A blonde chorus girl clicks: he
smiles and rubs his chin. Everything
suddenly honks: it is 12:40 of
a Thursday.

Neon in daylight is a
great pleasure, as Edwin Denby would
write, as are light bulbs in daylight.
I stop for a cheeseburger at JULIET'S
CORNER. Giulietta Maina, wife of
Federico Fellini, Ã bell' attrice.
And chocolate malted. A lady in
foxes on such a day puts her poodle
in a cab.

There are several Puerto
Ricans on the avenue today, which
makes it beautiful and warm. First
Bunny died, then John Latouche,
then Jackson Pollock. But is the
earth as full of life was full, of them?
And one has eaten and one walks,
past the magazines with nudes
and the posters for BULLFIGHT and
the Manhatten Storage Warehouse,
which they'll soon tear down. I
used to think they had the Armory
Show there.

A glass of papaya juice
and back to work. My heart is in my
pocket, it is Poems by Pierre Reverdy.


--Frank O'Hara


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Clue: Next week, I will be here but not here....


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Monday Monday

Hung out down by Ocean Beach with friends Ron and Greg yesterday afternoon. Drank too much beer, which then led to eating Mexican food and drinking more beer. It was an early evening for me and Jacob because we were totally exhausted by 9:30pm.


**************************


I am still processing some information I got yesterday. More about this later.


**************************


As usual, I am running late and need to get to the hospital to see patients. Good weekend though. Good weekend.


**************************


Thank God for vit B complex and water before bed!


**************************

Gone

I checked over the final FINAL version of the ms. for The Second Person this morning. I have already emailed it off to Four Way. Finally found the goddamned quote I use as an epigraph for the first section. It turned out to be none other than Oscar Wilde. I should have known. I have had the quote on a scrap of paper for so many years. I am sure when I first wrote it down I thought I would never forget whose quote it was. But then, years and years and years later, I did forget. But thanks to the internet, I actually found the quote fairly easily. Also italicized a line borrowed from Rilke, which I had somehow not italicized, despite having looked at this script for Lord knows how many times. Anyway, it is now out of my hands (until galleys arrive in the future).


**************************


Sometimes, I want to see an Ode to Williams-Sonoma. Other times, I wish that store would collapse into a trench never to be seen again!


**************************


Clue: Lovechild of Plath and Justice


**************************

Out of the Zone

The concert last night was wonderful. As always, it made me wish I could write or play music. Alas, no amount of wishing will change that.


**************************


Now that the Tango poem is finished, I have already begun pining for that "in the zone" feeling of writing. Writing on the blog just doesnt do it for me. And, try as I might, my head feels empty of poetry stuff. I would think that by now I would be used to this, but I am not.


**************************


I am supposed to write a book review sometime soon. The funny thing is I have never written one. Not sure why I agreed to do it except that I have never done one before and figured I would try it out.


**************************


It is sunny mcsunster here. Need to head outside.


**************************

The Mechanism

Tonight, Mahler's No. 8: The Symphony of a Thousand. I haven't heard this performed since I lived in Boston. I can't wait to hear it tonight.


***************************


I just discovered that The Second Person already has a Library of Congress Catalog number. I am not sure why, but it made me kind of excited. Interestingly enough, the old catalog number for Zoo is still there, too. I wonder how long it will take them to cancel that one. There must be a mechanism by which they cancel numbers when publishers never publish the book.


***************************


I have been meaning to congratulate Natasha Trethewey but keep forgetting. Her poem "Myth," which appeared in NER last year, has been selected for the Pushcart Anthology. Natasha has a poem in the current issue of NER as well.


***************************


We finally got the box of proofs (both photo and digital proofs) from the Wedding Photographer. There are literally hundreds and hundreds of photos. Some are hilarious. Some are beautiful. Oddly, the ones staged for me and Jacob aren't nearly as good. They look, well, staged! Hard to believe it was a month ago. A month already.


***************************


Clue: The necessary whore...


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Me Like Cookie

Following Peter's lead, I did a Sesame Street Personality quiz. Well, I just about died laughing. I LOVE cookies. I even joke sometimes that the C. in my name stands for cookie. Well, here is the result of my test:

You Are Cookie Monster

Misunderstood as a primal monster, you're a true hedonist with a huge sweet tooth. You are usually feeling: Hungry. Cookies are preferred, but you'll eat anything if cookies aren't around. You are famous for: Your slightly crazy eyes and usual way of speaking How you life your life: In the moment. "Me want COOKIE!"

The Sesame Street Personality Quiz

In the Ring: Moss Vs. Muldoon

I just realized that my poem, "Clean," is now available at Ploughshares on-line. I didn't realize it, but apparently once the issue is no longer current, you can read much of the poetry in past issues. I have to admit, "Clean" is probably the most narrative poem I have ever written.


***************************


I found this truly odd but interesting site via Poetry Daily. They pit poets against each other with a prompt, 15 mins, and a keyboard. At 15 mins, the time is stopped and the results are posted. No winner is declared, but people do log in and comment. Some of the folks that log in imitate the judges on American Idol, which is kind of funny, but not so funny. The most interesting part is that you can watch the poem develop over the 15 min time span. So, you see Robert Pinsky deleting words, changing words, adding things, changing punctuation as it was recorded happening. I think it may the closest thing to seeing a poet compose. Very weird. The original match was Thylias Moss vs. Paul Muldoon. The last one was Robert Pinsky vs. Julianna Baggott.


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Must get to the hospital.


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