Vellum and Velocity

Sadly, I did not get time to read for myself today. That said, I did get a ton of work done for NER and other things.


***************************


Well, I finally did something today I should have done a long time ago. I joined a national literary organization I should have joined about 6 years ago. I just never got around to doing it. Recently, they made it too easy for me to join, and so I did. I hope I don't regret it. Sorry to be so secretive and weird.


***************************


Got a very nice note today from a friend who got an advanced copy of the new book. He loves the one poem in it I care the most about. That meant a great deal to me. This poem is all I think about when I think of the book. It is my most heartfelt apology to two people I hurt deeply: one of them directly, the other indirectly. I still, to this day, have dreams of the second person, the one I hurt indirectly, appearing at my door with an anguished look on his face. It is then I will really know what it is to hurt, then when I have no answers to his many questions.


***************************


I know I have been a downer lately. Must be winter.


***************************


It is official. I will be reading in Seattle for the UW Creative Writing Program at Open Books in May. Ah rainy city, O coffee-crazed town!


***************************


Clue: Ms. Scarlet in the Conservatory with the Candlestick!


***************************

Grace to Begin

Today's lineup: read approx. 250 poems for NER; collect some tax info for my return; post some packages; MAKE TIME TO READ!


***************************


W.S. DiPiero is over at the Poetry Foundation this week.


***************************


Sometimes, I get so tired, that the world begins to dissolve for me. Difficult to explain, this is. But I do not have the words for it. I am able to focus on the exacting nature of now, but outside of that, things begin to dissolve. I know this is happeneing right now. January is always tough. So many people ignore that spot of blood, that lump in the neck, the headaches, the abdominal cramps, and on and on, all throughout the holidays. They do not want to see doctors between Thanksgiving and New Years. And every year, without fail, they all go in to see their doctors in the first two weeks of January, and the diagnosis rate spikes for a blip, and my clinic suddenly sees an influx of people. Every January is the same. I know it is coming, and yet I am always surprised. I get stretched, exhausted. All other things begin to dissolve. I guess it is a defense mechanism. Maybe other things have to dissolve so that I can keep focus on my work as a doctor. Or maybe that is what I say to myself to avoid the realities of my life. Either way, I am in that space. I am up to my ears in it.


***************************


HOLY SONNET IV


O, my black soul, now thou art summoned
By sickness, Death's herald and champion;
Thou'rt like a pilgrim, which abroad hath done
Treason, and durst not turn to whence he's fled;
Or like a thief, which till death's doom be read,
Wisheth himself deliver'd from prison,
But damn'd and haled to execution,
Wisheth that still he might be imprisoned.
Yet grace, if thou repent, thou canst not lack;
But who shall give thee that grace to begin?
O, make thyself with holy mourning black,
And red with blushing, as thou art with sin;
Or wash thee in Christ's blood, which hath this might,
That being red, it dyes red souls to white.


--John Donne



***************************


Clue: Semper fi


***************************

The Language of Cranes

I have been commissioned to write a Phi Beta Kappa poem. I am deeply flattered. At least now I have a reason to finish a poem.


********************


Still not sure what to think of the review of Hart Crane's work in this past weekend's NYTBR.


********************


I am still in need of a benefactor. In this way only, I am very much like Hart Crane.


********************


Clue: Psychedelic


********************

Symbols

Excited to sit down and do some reading tomorrow. I have to read submissions, but that should take me about 3 hours. The rest of the day will be just reading for fun.


********************


Business meeting tonight. Yuck.


********************


What I had to say a year ago.


********************


What I had to say two years ago.


********************


Jeez, I seem much more interesting in the past. Today must have been weekend days in the past two years.


********************


Driving to work this morning, I saw a deer leap a 5-ft fence by a golf course in Hillsborough. It seemed all the more surprising because I was flying by on 280 at 75 mph.


********************


Clue: Cherry Coke


********************

Radiant Lyre

I didn't realize this was already out. These are some amazing essays on lyric poetry. I am ordering mine today. I have heard some of these essays delivered at AWP over the past few years.

Rubiks Cube

The trip back from Vegas was okay. No major trauma. We had a great time. On Saturday night, we ate one of those meals that seem to fill you up for more than one day. We went with our friend Jenn (aka JFern) to Alain Ducasse's restaurant, Mix. We had gone to the bar on Thursday. Like the bar, it is perched at the top of THEhotel at Mandalay Bay. (Yes, everything at THEhotel has THE in front of it: the toilet paper has a sticker that says THEtp). The restaurant is designed to make you feel as if you are in a glass of champagne. Glass bubbles are suspended from the ceiling and the room is white and bright but shadowed effectively. A stunning place. And the food? It was amazing. Everything we had to eat there was just amazing. I will have to rate it highly for Zagat's as soon as I have a chance to log in to my review forms.


***************************


The poem I thought was building up seems to have stalled for now. Still have the images and the final line. But I don't yet have the architecture right. The "argument" is lacking. I know this. There is something important missing right now. I just don't know what it is. Still turning it around in my head. Still playing with it like one plays with a Rubik's Cube.


***************************


The slot machines named "Hot Hot Penny" are woefully misnamed. They should be named "Take all of your goddamned money out of your wallets now because you will eventually give it all to me anyway!" For this to be funny, you have to imagine me saying this in a Margaret Cho voice.


***************************


Someone was recently surprised to find out that I not only know the lyrics to most Led Zeppelin songs but even own a lot of their music. It is at home in a trunk of mine. I spent a lot of days at age 15 listening to Zeppelin and staring at ceiling fans. I say nothing more.


***************************


I found the funniest letter of mine late last week. In it, I was asking a friend about how to fold poems for a submission. I was freaking out about every little thing in putting together a submission. I didn't remember having this anxiety at all, but clearly it was there. In some ways, I think that time must have been easier for me. I hadn't yet figured out the difficulties of writing poems that satisfy me, the critic.


***************************


Clue: Baccarat at the Excalibur? What the...


***************************

Only in Vegas

We saw his royal Purpleness last night. It was effing incredible. I swear to God he has to be among the most amazing guitar players on earth. Just amazing. He went on at midnight, and I was shocked at how quickly the almost 2 hour show went. I cannot rave enough here. And even though he supposedly doesn't do racy or explicit songs anymore, he sang "Cream" and everyone went nuts.


***************************


Things I Have Learned in Vegas this trip:


1. There is such a thing as cocktail waiters. The Rio has men and women. I don't think I have ever seen cocktail waiters before.

2. Hookers can come in all shapes and costumes. One winked at me in the lobby of THEhotel just before security escorted her out! Only in Vegas.

3. Midwestern guys in track pants who follow you around in the casino so they are always a few seats away from you are scary, esp. when they say things like: "So, are you winning? I just don't understand these slot machine things. Can you help me out?" SCAARY!

4. Never drink Rumrunners before champagne. NEVER.

5. Bottle service means they get to charge you an arm and a leg for a table while trying to make you feel better by letting you have an entire bottle.

6. Everything, I mean everything, is reborn in Vegas.


***************************


Still excited Jacob got the audition/interview.


***************************


Clue: Little Miss Sunshine


***************************

Chipmunks and Critics

Thank God for water and vitamin B-complex. Thank God. Without them, I would probably be hung over and dying this morning. Instead, I am as perky as a chipmunk (Yes, I know my name already conjures a famous chipmunk).


***************************


It is interesting to watch the tables turn: Brian Henry reviews William Logan's recent book of criticism.


***************************


I was tempted to take down my drunk blog post of last night. But I decided all it shows is that I am human. So, I will leave it there (for now).


***************************


I am seriously thinking about writing an Ode to Dean Young's hair. Sadly, I suspect Dean could do a better job of that than I could.


***************************


Don Justice appeared in a dream again last night. He was sitting at my kitchen table writing notes to people on postcards. He would not be interupted in any way. He said he worked hard at laziness.


***************************


Clue: Je ne connais pas cette Julie, mais son vin me goûte


***************************

YESssssssss!

I am violating one of my primary rules of blogging. Yes, I am blogging while drunk. But I can't help it. Jacob and I had cocktails at the top of THEhotel at a lounge named MIX. It was incredible. Sitting outside on a terrace on the 64th floor looking out over the entire Las Vegas Strip. And then we ate a wonderful dinner. We are back in our suite, even though it is not even 10 PM. And we checked Jacob's email. We got incredible news. Jacob cleared the first hurdle with the San Francisco Conservatory. He has an audition/interview! We are so excited we don't know what to do. I guess we will drink more champagne and pass out. I am so proud of Jacob right now. Well, I normally am proud of him, but right now I am extra special proud of him. I know he is one of the best composers on this earth. Yeah, I am biased, but I don't fucking care right now. He is the best. The best! Congratulations, Jacob! I love you more than anything on earth. I mean I love you more than ice cream.

Precipitate

We head off to the airport in a couple of hours. By mid-afternoon, I will have a drink in hand and will be watching the dice.


***************************


Reginald Shepherd has me thinking about the long poem. He has a great post talking about the long poem and "greatness." I think it is fascinating the idea of a poet writing the long poem as a kind of aspiration. For me, it wasn't anything even remotely like that. I do have a long poem (it takes up almost 30 pages in the new book), but it found such a form after years of failing to write the poem in my usual 25 to 40 lines. I think I tried to write it in the short form at least 4 or 5 times. I always had the ending, but the poem could not work in the short form. It took me years to figure this out. I just kept trying to do it in the way I had always written poems. I had never written a long poem and, to be honest, I didn't think I had what it takes to do one. When the poem's form crystallized for me, I wrote it in three bursts over 10 days, each burst being about 70 minutes. Even now, I have a hard time believing I ever wrote the poem. I cannot imagine having the need for such a long poem again. At 243 lines, it is a behemoth for me.


***************************


Thinking again about Yeats. Thinking specifically about his poem "The Second Coming." How is it certain poems take root in you and never leave your head?


***************************


My spidey sense is tingling hardcore.



***************************


Clue: Fingers crossed...


***************************

Clarifications, Clearings, and Confusions

A few of you have backchanneled me (why does this always sound so dirty?!) to ask if there is a way to pre-order the new book directly from Four Way Books instead of Amazon. I gather some of you dislike Amazon. Anyway, yes, you can. Remember the book is not officially out yet. In fact, the only copies in existence are advanced copies they have sent out to reviewers and the like. The only way to get a copy before April is to buy it at AWP at the Four Way Books table. Otherwise, all I can offer is pre-ordering via Amazon or directly from FWB. If you preorder, you will be among the first to get it when it is officially out.

To pre-order from Four Way directly, just send an email to: four_way_editors@yahoo.com and ask to preorder the book. You can then set up payment, shipping, etc. But again, the book will not be officially available until April.


***************************


I definitely have a poem brewing in my head. The cloudiness of it is clearing slowly. I am already starting to see how it moves from A to Z. Still only have the final line so far. Plenty of images though: bone, neck, gutter, glass, drugs, umbilical cord, noose, shock.


***************************


John Gallaher now understands why I love Four Way Books. He just received his advanced author copies.


***************************


Mom: You already have a new book.

Me: Already?

Mom: I mean, it seems like the last one just came out.

Me: No, what are you talking about? The last book came out in Spring 2001.

Mom: Well, that isn't THAT long ago.

Me: Some poets have books every two to three years!

Mom: Well, that is a little disgusting...

Me: Mom! No, it is just that they have more time to devote to writing poems.

Mom: Or time to devote to themselves...

Me: You don't get it. It is just that I am busy with other things. If not, I probably would write more books.

Mom: NO, YOU don't get it. It is not about quantity. I mean, you aren't making flyers to post on powerline poles.

Me: Well, in some ways I am.

Mom: Oh please. You are just arguing now for the sake of arguing.

Me: Well, I am just saying...

Mom: I taught Literature before you were born. I think I know something about Poetry.

Me: Um, um, yes...



***************************


Clue: Limousine


***************************

Gay Genes?

Quiet night in last night. Watched the latest episode of Battlestar Galactica. That show is so good. I still cannot believe it is on Sci Fi.


********************


Jordan likes Cate Marvin's poem in the latest issue of POETRY, I think. Cate is a good poet. I have appreciated much of her work for many years now. I realize I am biased being one the first to have published her work. Cate's second book is due out later this year.


********************


I wish tomorrow were Thursday.


********************


Everyone I know is talking about Oscars. In this one respect, my gay genes just don't transcribe enough. I have little to no interest in the Oscars. I can't even remember the last time I even watched it.


********************


I keep thinking about certain things, and I keep listening to the same song over and over. I know full well what this means. The images and architecture have already begun to form. And I already know how it ends. Jacob finished his String Quartet in Vegas. Maybe I will work on this poem there. Unlikely.


********************


Clue: Bananas


********************

Lovers, Writers, and the New Diet

It may be that I am starved for good television now that Six Feet Under is gone, but I am liking the new season of ROME quite a bit. This is odd because I was not that impressed with the first season of it. I mean, it was okay, but it wasn't wonderful. This new season seems better to me. Who knows?


***************************


Alone in clinic again today. But for being alone in clinic today, I get Thursday and Friday off, so I cannot complain.


***************************


Remember last year I told you Jacob had an idea to make a t-shirt for spouses and significant others of writers to wear at AWP? It was to read "I'm a lover, not a writer." We are so tempted to have one made for him for Atlanta.


***************************


Maybe the best way to diet is to eat brunch. I mean we ate brunch at 12:30pm yesterday and was never hungry again.


***************************


Clue: Happy Birthday, Jacob!


***************************

NBCC Awards, etc.

Tomorrow is Jacob's birthday, and we have been celebrating it since last night. In that way, he is like Royalty: days of celebration involved. Last night, after dinner, our friends Ron and Kevin came over and we had champagne and birthday cake. Today, we went to brunch over in the Castro. And later this week, we head off to see Prince in Vegas. And what did I get my prince for his birthday. Noise-canceling headphone, of course.


***************************


A friend of mine (she knows who she is) drafted four poems yesterday. Jesus H.


***************************


Sunny, clear, warm today. Today was one of those winter days where I am glad to be in California. Still needed a fleece, but it is glorious outside.


***************************


The National Book Critics' Circle has announced the finalists for Poetry in the 2006 Book Awards:


* Daisy Fried, My Brother is Getting Arrested Again. (University of Pittsburgh Press)
* Troy Jollimore, Tom Thomson in Purgatory. (Margie/Intuit House)
* Miltos Sachtouris, Poems (1945-1971) (Archipelego Books)
* Frederick Seidel, Ooga-Booga (Farrar, Straus & Giroux)
* W.D. Snodgrass, Not for Specialists: New and Selected Poems (BOA Editions)


Interesting mix, no? I have never heard of Troy Jollimore. I usually am familiar with all of the finalists. Does anyone know his work?


***************************


Is it time for ROME yet?


***************************


Clue: Fast Acting


***************************

The Aging Oracle

We heard Mozart's Mass in C-Minor last night performed by the San Francisco Symphony. It was incredible. The Stravinsky Orpheus ballet music they played before the Mass was not as interesting, esp. to Jacob who kept comparing it to practically everything written by Stravinsky. But hearing Mozart's Mass last night confirmed something I have believed for quite a number of years. No composer before or since understands and uses the human voice the way Mozart did. No one. What is the most striking thing when hearing anything by Mozart that involves voice and instrument is that he doesn't discriminate at all. Voice is given no more primacy. In fact, he uses voice as if it were another instrument. And the ways in which voice and instruments intertwine in his music is awe-inspiring. I am no musician or composer, but I really believe this after listening to a great deal of classical music over the span of my life.


***************************


I drank too much champagne last night. Or maybe it was the fact I started with a Sapphire martini. Who knows... but the Bruno Paillard Brut Rose was so tasty.


***************************


I dreamt about coring apples. Better look into Apple shares on Monday. I mean, isn't that how you invest for your retirement?


***************************


Clue: "Well I know a certain Kitty Kitty whose sleeping with Mommie tonight!"


***************************

It Really Exists!

When Zoo Press didn't publish my second book, when they started disappearing and eventually went bankrupt, the depression I felt was unreal. But now, now I am happier than anyone that the book was never published by them. They arrived today, the advanced copies. I never dreamed of having a book this beautiful. Never. I probably shouldn't admit this here, but I actually cried. I actually cried. To all of the folks at Four Way Books, I don't know what to say except "Thank you!!!" Okay, I need to go be alone with it for a few hours. It really exists.

Kiss Me Kiss Me Kiss Me

Tony Robinson has a wonderful post where he recounts why The Cure's Kiss Me Kiss Me Kiss Me is linked in his head with winter, and why the song "Catch" is forever linked with "winter, sex, and winter sex." I love that Kiss Me Kiss Me Kiss Me, even though it really is one of the most disjointed of the The Cure's efforts. And maybe that is exactly why I love it.

T Rob remembers running as part of wrestling practice and the smokey air. What I remember, what is forever caught in my brain, linked inescapably with that album, is the winter of my Sophomore year of college. I was working as a volunteer in the Emergency Ward at Mass General. I would take the Green line to Downtown Crossing and then switch to the Red line which stopped at Mass General before crossing the Charles. The round trip would take me over an hour and would always involve standing outside waiting for the T. I am not sure why, but I always seemed to have the cassette for Kiss Me Kiss Me Kiss Me with me, and I was always listening to it on my Walkman during these trips.

So, even now, the songs on this album conjure winter in Boston, the wind, the fumey/sulfurous smell of the Mass General T stop, the light fading quickly even at 4pm, the bare branches of trees along the Charles, the tired-looking interns who all told me to run away from medicine as quickly as I could, the stations and their names in order between BC and Mass General, the flurries of snow that always seemed to be there when I exited at BC to go home. Like Tony, the album is forever winter in my head. And if there is one song on the album that is linked more to that experience than any of the others, it is the song "Torture." How apt. And how sad at the same time that a song with such a title would be linked to those days when I so desperately wanted to be a physician, to those days of singular focus, of study marathons and the strange mix of happiness and unhappiness that was college. Funny, as I am typing this, I realize that the song playing in the background the very first time I kissed a guy was "If Only I Could Sleep Tonight," also on this album. Ah, those days. Those wonderful and terrible days. What on God's green earth does Kiss Me Kiss Me Kiss Me conjure up for you?



***************************



TORTURE


I'm in the room without a light
The room without a view
I'm here for one more treacherous night
Another night with you
It tortures me to move my hands
To try to move at all
And pulled
My skin so tight it screams
And screams and screams
And pulls some more

Hanging like this
Like a vampire bat
Hanging like this
Hanging on your back
I'm helpless again

My body is cut and broken
It's shattered and sore
My body is cut wide open
I can't stand anymore
It tortures me to move my hands
To try to move at all
And pulled
My skin so tight screams
And screams and screams
And screams some more

Hanging like this
Like a vampire bat
Hanging like this hanging on your back
Oh it's torture
And I'm almost there
It's torture
But I'm almost there

It's torture
But I'm almost there
It's torture
But I'm almost there


--The Cure, 1987


***************************

WARNING: Rant Follows

Well, the Isaiah Washington scandal continues. More proof that homophobia is the last "allowable" prejudice. This actor supposedly called TR Knight a faggot on the set of his show and, as if that wasn't bad enough, he is using the F-word on the red carpet at the Golden Globe Awards. He should be fired. ABC needs to shut him down. I, for one, sent an email to the President of ABC threatening a boycott of their channel (as both a concerned citizen and a shareholder of Disney). More information on the whole incident here.

If you want to write an email to the President of ABC, his email address is:

Stephen.McPherson@abc.com

I have just about had it with hate speech. I don't care anymore if the person "meant it or not." It is unacceptable.

Novena

Crazy day that started really early in the OR. As a consequence, I haven't had a lot of time today. Just now got to check email. And just now, I checked voice mail as well. Glad to be off tomorrow. Very glad.


********************


I thought the housing market is supposed to be getting better for buyers. I thought the bubble was about to burst. Well, it still hasn't burst!


********************


May the gods of FEDEX be good to me.


********************


May the gods of the SF Conservatory be good to us.


********************


May the gods of the Lottery be good to us.


********************


Clue: All true, meaning all lies...


********************

Patron

Friday seems very far away. Too far away. The expectation and anticipation are killing me.


********************


The more I think about seeing Prince in concert in a little over a week, the more excited I get.


********************


If I were wealthy, I would want a home in Florida, a beach house on the Cape, a townhouse in New York, a condo in Vegas, and a place in Venice. Is that too much to ask? Any super wealthy person out there want to be my patron? Hello? Where are the Borgias when you need them.


********************


No day off today. Alas.


********************


Dreamt last night I was pouring sand on the kitchen countertop and, as it landed, it was creating some kind of glyphic design. I was nervous in the dream because I didn't know exactly what the glyphs meant, but I kept feeling that I should know. It was very odd.


********************


Clue: Silencio por favor


********************

Victor #12

Jacob has selected the winner of Caption Contest #12, the first one for 2007. And the winner is none other than:




"Dark and moody had always been Eric's bread and butter, but today he was simply going to slap the next person who said he looked just like a cross between Pierce Brosnan and Lou Diamond Phillips."

--Justin Evans


********************


Congratulations, Justin! And the runner-up was Glenn Ingersoll with:

"Yes, I did find your contact lens. I'm washing it now."


********************

Anxiety and Stars

I got one of the best phone calls yesterday. Let us just say I will be very anxious over the next few days. Very anxious. More about this soon.


***************************


Dreamt last night that I was sitting in a field staring at the stars. In the dream, I kept thinking I knew the field, knew the place. It was only this morning when I woke up that I knew the field. In the dream I had been sitting in the field out behind Treman at Bread Loaf.


***************************


More on Heaney winning the T.S. Eliot prize.


***************************


Have to get to the hospital.


***************************


Clue: Miles Davis and the Grasshopper


***************************

Low-grade Temp

Spent the morning doing errands: withdrawing poems from 2 journals and then sending the poems and a few others out to three journals. It took much longer than I remembered, the printing up of poems, the SASEs, etc. And it took me forever to sort what to send where, which is kind of ridiculous. I say this because my experience has been the same for a very long time. The poem(s) I feel fairly sure a magazine will like, they don't. The poem(s) I throw in to make up the 3 poem batch, that is what they take. So, thinking about it too long is kind of foolish for me. It works for others, just not for me. I know where NOT to send poems, but I don't quite know where TO send them.


***************************


I think I have been nursing a cold for the past few days. Always tired. Slightly achey. I think I am running a low-grade temp. Well, it is that time of year. Viruses everywhere.


***************************


Not surprising in the least, Seamus Heaney won this year's T.S. Eliot prize in the UK. More on Heaney and the Prize, here.


***************************


Clue: You have no idea...


***************************

Chopin, In the Other Room

Jacob is practicing piano in his studio. I am pretty sure he is playing Chopin, more than likely Prelude in E something.


***************************


Speaking of Jacob, he has not yet selected a winner for this year's first Caption Contest. So, if you want to try your hand at writing a caption, please do. You could be our first winner of the year.


***************************


It is getting to be time to withdraw poems from the two magazines I sent to back in October. I just need to get organized to do so.


***************************


I am very excited about this. I will definitely be ordering it.


***************************


Bread Loaf has posted its faculty roster for this summer's conference. They have updated their admissions information as well.


***************************


And I effing LOVE this post.


***************************


Clue: Nominating


***************************

The Great Hexameters

The new issue of MiPo is out (Guest Editor: Nick Carbo), and it has some fine work in it. So, check it out if you haven't already.


***************************


This was my 19th time through Heart of Darkness. I find new things in it every single time. I first read it 20 years ago! Jesus. That is a scary thought. I also remember heating it the first time I read it, but I was a stupid high school student. I knew nothing.


***************************


It looks like Midsummer outside but it is actually chilly. I find this wonderful and strange. But this is coming from a man who finds rubber bands wonderful and strange.


***************************


I want to re-read Walcott's Midsummer, but I am afraid to do so. Don't get me wrong, I love Walcott's work, but I am afraid I might love it a little too much.


***************************



SEA GRAPES



That sail which leans on light,
tired of islands,
a schooner beating up the Caribbean

for home, could be Odysseus,
home-bound on the Aegean;
that father and husband's

longing, under gnarled sour grapes, is like
the adulterer hearing Nausicaa's name in
every gull's outcry.

This brings nobody peace. The ancient war
between obsession and responsibility will
never finish and has been the same

for the sea-wanderer or the one on shore now
wriggling on his sandals to walk home, since
Troy sighed its last flame,

and the blind giant's boulder heaved the trough from
whose groundswell the great hexameters come to the
conclusions of exhausted surf.

The classics can console. But not enough.


--Derek Walcott



***************************


And for those of you who wanted to hear the kind of music I put on my recent mix CD, here is David Guetta v The Egg. (try to ignore the very odd and disturbing video and just listen to the music, if you can)





***************************


Clue: India


***************************

In Motion

Driving home yesterday, I was stuck behind a delivery style truck that said ________ Distributors: "Poultry in Motion." I wish I were kidding, but I am not. I had to sit behind this thing all the way up Edgewood Road, for almost 10 minutes. It was so not funny, not even in a minimal way.


***************************


Long weekend, but I am on-call. That kind of cancels out the long weekend.


***************************


Jacob's birthday is coming up. We are heading out of town right after it for a long weekend. I am sure those of you who visit The Muse could easily guess where we are going for the long weekend. And yesterday I got us tickets to see Prince perform live at his new club, standing room only. Very excited about this. Prince is an amazing musician. His concerts are incredible, and this will be in a fairly small setting.


***************************


I am trying to finish Strand's Man and Camel today.


***************************


Thinking again about Conrad's Heart of Darkness. All the great secrets of modern poems, I learned from this novella. How is that for a teaser?


***************************


Clue: Seattle


***************************

Caption Contest #12

Well, what better way to celebrate the new year than with the start of the new Caption Contest. As with last year, the rules are as follows: 1. The esteemed Producer of this show, Jacob, selects the winning caption; 2. each installment of the Caption Contest may or may not have a prize attached to it (decided before the caption is posted); 3. All Winners are eligible for the Year-End Caption Contest Showdown. Last year's winner was Aaron Smith. So, it is time for Season 2 folks. And we begin with...






The contest closes when Jacob has selected a winner. Come on. You know you want to play.

The Floor

Ah the biggest sellers of 2006. Well, we can all disagree about what is better or best in poetry, but it is hard to disagree with sales figures. Sadly, I was not too surprised by this list posted by the Poetry Foundation. I was happy to see a few younger poets made the list, like Richard Siken and Brian Turner. But, overall, not very surprising.


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Remember making mix tapes for yourself and your friends. Well, now that has been replaced by mix CD's. Last night I burned a CD of my recent favorite dance music. In essence, I created Club CDY. So, of course, Bananarama's "Look on the Floor" (Solasso remix) is on it. As is the coolest remix of depeche mode's "Precious" done by Victor Calderone. And I couldn't leave out iiO's "At the End" (Scumfrog remix). And then I had to add Ferry Corsten's "Fire," an incredible dance song with none other than Simon LeBon singing the sparse lyrics. This went on and on until I had an entire CD worth of music for my car. Even though we have a station here that plays dance music 24 hours a day (Energy 92.7), I still wanted a CD for those times when I am driving and there is nothing good on the radio. I decided I miss being a DJ. When I worked as a DJ, I got so much music for free. Now, I play good citizen and pay 99 cents a song at iTunes.


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Ah, the Caption Contest is closer than you think. The first of the new year ought to be a good one.


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I dreamt last night I was doing surgery in a tent. Very odd dream. No idea what it means. But I remember that in the dream I knew I had to work quickly. And I didn't seem to be questioning why my one year as a surgical intern was enough to be doing major abdominal surgery.


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We got a new dwarf neon blue gourami to replace Aphrodite, our gourami that passed away a few weeks ago. We are so original that we named this one Aphrodite II.


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Clue: Makes no difference who you are...


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The Way Blood Flowers

Mary Cornish's poem, "Lotus Feet," which appears in the Fall 06 issue of NER, is up at Poetry Daily today.


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Spent the morning doing payroll. Ah, the excitement never ends.


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Twice today, I have again seen hummingbirds darting past my studio's window. They are the most peculiar creatures. Hover and dart. Dart and Hover.


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I might be able to hold an actual copy of my new book by mid month. I may pass out.


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Processing the grand prize from the year end Caption Contest blow-out today. Expect this year's Caption Contests to start up again soon.


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Poetry Editors do not have a bird's eye view of Poetry in their own country. They only have a bird's eye view of what is submitted to their magazines. This seems self-explanatory, but somehow it isn't.


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Marveling at the thirty year's of work captured in Ellen Voigt's recently published New and Selected Poems. Humbling, to say the least.


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Here is another quick shot of my other poem in the current VQR. Like before, it will vanish shortly.


SEPSIS


(VANISHED)


--C. Dale Young


This poem made Jordan Davis's brand new list of poems for 2007. I am deeply flattered.


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More scariness from the UK.


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Clue: Hopeful


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Geeking Out Hard Core

Behold the future! I can't wait to have one. Look at this thing. It is incredible.

Love Letter, etc.

And I thought underwear parties in my MFA program were at times shocking... Leave it to the Ivy League to spawn something like this.


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Always be careful about your letters. Otherwise, Emory might one day own them!


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And Reb Livingston reminds us why we love her.


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My God, I am link-y today.


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Clue: News to me...


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Hunting

Driving through the Carneros region of Sonoma yesterday, I saw what I thought was a weird statue. I pulled over on 121 and suddenly realized it was no statue. A falcon sat atop a rotted fencepost with its wings fully outstretched. The wingspan had to be greater than 5 feet. It sat there with its wings open; it only occasionally moved slightly to let you know it was in fact very real. I stood there and watched it for almost five minutes. It was magnificent. And then, it shot into the air. It didn't just glide off, it shot upward. About 4 seconds later, I felt the gust of air that had helped to propel the bird upward and saw the leaves vibrating on the vines. I watched the great bird circle once, then twice, then watched it plummet into the fields to snatch its prey from the very ground. I got back into my car and continued my drive back home to San Francisco. All I could think of was the phrase: "Train it you might, but you cannot keep a falcon from hunting."


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And aren't these the same old, tired arguments we have heard ad nauseam? I mean, why is it that the mainstream news media almost always call on this woman?


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And tell me, why must there always be this notion that Poetry is in crisis? Does it somehow make us feel as if what we do as poets is more worthwhile? Well, if it does, it shouldn't.


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Clue: Board of Directors, my ass!


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After Too Much Wine

Reginald Shepherd has a blog. And he has wasted no time jumping in. Already he is discussing commentary from both Josh Corey's blog and Ron Silliman's blog. Check it out when you have a chance.


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Spent the morning/afternoon soaking in various degrees of hot water. Then, we went wine tasting. Now, with two cases of wine from St. Francis, our resolve to spend less money on wine seems a mere dream. We are total wine lushes.


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Whoever created granulated, chilled honey is a God.


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I have a phrase from Deuteronomy stuck in my head. I find this horrifying.


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Peaches and cream should only be eaten. It should never be used in a shampoo or conditioner. It is vile.


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Clue: Paramount


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From Sonoma, With Love

Had some dental work done today. My jaw is sore from being open for so long. Jacob and I are up in Sonoma relaxing at the Sonoma Mission Inn. Jacob is soaking in the jacuzzi tub right now as I type this.


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Congratulations to Peter Pereira. His poem, "Nursemaid's Elbow," which appeared in NER, is set to appear in Best American Poetry 2007.


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Crack? No. We prefer the original Crack known as champagne.


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I am thinking about starting to paint again. I get this way every so many years. It is unlikely I will actually buy any canvas or paints.


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Clue: Small Berry Mouvedre


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Other Instruments

One of the weird things about having a blog is the way it can chronicle your thoughts and ideas over time. I had not thought of that when I first started blogging, nor did I realize how easy it would become to track the evolution of something. A quick search today found the inception and the idea that prompted the final revision of my poem, "Deus ex machina." You can see the steps: here, and here. When I reread these posts, it was as if the actual days and times that they captured were palpable for me again. I keep drafts of poems, but I have never kept my mind's evolution through a poem. I find this both fascinating and eerie at the same time.


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DEUS EX MACHINA


(Vanished)


--C. Dale Young
(from the Winter 2007 issue of Virginia Quarterly Review)

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My problem, one I have always had, is this foolish desire to "fix things." It is a flaw because this desire is difficult to temper. It is, in many ways, an arrogant desire.


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And, therefore, I think I could pass Jordan's Test. I try but fail at avoiding self-referentiality.


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I wish I were at Warren Wilson right now. There are two lectures about the devotional and George Herbert that I would love to hear.


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Off to Sonoma later today. Jacob and I like to hide out.


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Clue: Mephistopheles


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Respite

After a week alone in clinic, I am totally worn out. I mean, I am spent. This week was unreal for me. Jaocb and I are off to Sonoma for the weekend. I need to reenergize and chill out at the same time. I am excited to sleep late.

Portents

I am thinking today about Spidey sense. I am not sure what else to call it. But I have different kinds of Spidey sense. No, I am not delusional. But I can give you an example. Recently, while on call, I received a phone call from a woman who claimed she was in severe pain. When I asked who her doctor was, she couldn't tell me the name. Since there are only two doctors in my group, and since I didn't recognize her name, I asked her to describe her doctor. She dodged it. When I asked her when she got treatment, she said she got it "years ago." And then she asked for pain medicines by name. I told her she had to go to an emergency dept. to be evaluated. She then got a little hostile, but I stood my ground. When I checked the next day in the dept. computer, her name wasn't in there at all. The computer keeps patient records and charts for up to 15 years! The weird thing is I knew within 5 seconds of hearing her voice that something weird was up. I held my skepticism for as long as I could, but in the end I decided it was not wise to prescribe narcotics to this woman.

I sometimes have the same Spidey sense sensation in other situations as well. But in Medicine, it is really strong. Sadly, I have no Spidey sense for my own poems. I cannot just look at it and tell something is wrong.


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It is amazing what bigotry will do in the name of the Law. Apparently, equal rights and equal protection under the Law is only available to the majority. I will never understand this. Civil Marriage and Church marriage are not the same. One is a legal binding contract between two people. One is a set of vows sanctified by a minister or religious person in the eyes of God and the Community. Many have both, but many have only the civil/legal one.


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TiVo is amazing!


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I want the first half of LOST "on demand."


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Clue: Pez


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Spring and All

If any of you out there have a second or third book and want to do a reading in Boston, this might be for you. A nice way to receive an expense-paid reading in Boston. A nice way to get some exposure there. Check it out and apply soon seeing the deadline is coming up. (NB: Apparently the deadline has been extended to March 15 for poetry)


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I am so completely over the driving to and from work in the dark thing. I want Spring to come ASAP!


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Yes, I know I go to Vegas often. No, I do not have a problem. Vegas has a lot of fun besides gambling. And no, I do not work for the Las Vegas Tourism Board.


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Patient: I saw that you are a poet.
Me: Yes. I am.
Patient: Don't you find poetry a little strange?
Me: Yes. I kind of like it that way.
Patient: Well, at least you have a day job. All artists should have a day job.
Me: Why?
Patient: Because without a day job, artists forget what humanity is all about. They become narcissists.
Me: Hadn't thought of it that way.
Patient: Of course not, you're a poet.


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Chop the bok choy. Crush the ginger. Boil the water. Find the soy sauce. Avoid the mung bean. Listen to what your nose tells you about white pepper.


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Clue: No day off


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A Robot, but not The Robot

Back at work today. I was off for Christmas week and my partner is off this week. So, I have 41 patients to see today by myself. The morning has been okay so far, but a lot of the day is still left.


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Dreamt last night that I was typing on a really old manual typewriter that for some reason had purple ink. I was typing incredibly quickly as if I were a robot or something. The pages were coming out the top of the typewriter as if it were a computer printer. It was amazing. In the dream I kept thinking that I had no idea I could type so quickly.


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We finished the 2nd season of LOST yesterday. Such an addictive show. Jesus.


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We live in a very quiet area of San Francisco called Pine Lake. Yesterday, however, we were trapped in our house because the police had blocked off the roads and wouldn't let people in or out. Apparently, a felon had baricaded himself into a house nearby and the SWAT team was called in. From noon until after 8pm, no traffic, no leaving the house. It was very very odd. I should check the news to see what happened.


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Ellen Bryant Voigt's New and Selected Poems is out. Peter Campion gave it a very positive review in POETRY. Many of the new poems in this collection are incredible. Nice to have a retrospective collection of her work out with these new poems as well.


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Clue: Misty


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To Wake Us

Two years ago today, I started this blog. It is funny, but a few of the folks who commented on my posts then still do today, ie. Paul and ODLP. Thanks to all of you who have visited over the years.


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And last year, today, I was thinking about James Merrill. Now, I don't remember exactly what I was thinking about with regards to Merrill. The man, the work? Cannot remember.


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I set up TiVo yesterday evening (got it for Christmas from Jacob). We even have it connected to our wireless network in the house. Here is the funny thing. After all that work, I couldn't think of a single show to record.


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I am grateful for the ten poems I wrote last year. They all survived the chopping block, or should I say the desktop trash can. And I just looked over them (I do this every year on this day, look over the poems I wrote the previous year) and felt pretty good about them. Now to just commit to making the time sometime near year's end to sit down and see what I have. I applied to MacDowell and Yaddo simply to get myself thinking in this direction. Even if I don't get in to either of them, I need to come up with a two-week time to do this work.


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ABOUT THE MOTH


If you think the dead understand silence,
then why do they light their hems

and burn in dresses? Why do they fan their wings
against screens and windows as if they wanted in?

Why do they show their wiry contraptions
dusty with age and almost useless?

They only want to wake us with their light
unraveled from upper darkness.

They only want to hear us speak our reassurances.
Love will conquer, the heart endures.

And when they've left--flames, dust--
and frantic--we want them back,

not the friends and parents they once had been
but their new presences, sharp, unequivocal,

buoyant in their crossing back and forth,
inhabiting the condition they've become.


--Michael Collier
(from Dark Wild Realm)


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This is a very cool calendar.


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Clue: Good Night, Irene


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