Quicker Than Quick

Vandalism at the Frost House in Vermont.


*****************************


The NEA just received the largest increase in its funding in 28 years! This is both a good thing and a sad thing. Sad because it has been so long in coming.


*****************************


At work today in clinic. No partying for me tonight because I am on-call. Hoping all of you have a happy and safe New Year's Eve.


*****************************


Clue: Mistral


*****************************

Broken Bits

My parents left yesterday, flew back to Florida. It was great having them around for the week, even though I was so busy at the hospital and put in some very long days. Hard to believe the week went by so quickly.


*****************************


"It has been argued that the current decade is the 1950s all over again, but worse. And for Ferlinghetti, poetry's "use" extends far beyond the personal into the political. "Poetry can save the world by transforming consciousness," he argues in "Poetry as Insurgent Art," a slim hardback pocketbook manifesto of prose epigrams, seemingly addressed to poets and those who might be."


*****************************


"Memoir is not what happened (if we're lucky, that's the best journalism.) It is what has happened over time, in the mind, in the life as it attends to these tantalizing, dismaying, broken bits of life history. Such personal writing is, as the essay is, 'an attempt.' It is a try at the truth. The truth of a self in the world." (Patricia Hampl)


*****************************


Eric McHenry reviews Kate Northrop, David Trinidad, WG Sebald, Cathy Song and Paul Guest in the current NYT Book Review. (registration may be required)


*****************************


Tigergate continues here in SF. The once believed to be 16 foot enclosure has now been shown to be 12+ feet. And knowledgeable folks are saying at this height the tiger could have scaled the wall and escaped. More about it here.


*****************************


Spent a good chunk of yesterday reading submissions. Found a generous handful of poems for the magazine. This is always a welcome thing! I have little space for poems right now, but what space I had is now gone until we start work on another issue.


*****************************


A few of you have asked me to post "Sepsis," the poem of mine to appear next year in BAP. Here it is, direct from VQR.


*****************************


Happy Eve of New Year's Eve. On January 1, 2008, this blog will be three years old. Weird...


*****************************


Clue: Phone Tree from Hell


*****************************

Is December Over Yet?

"Poet Matthea Harvey creates a universe of her own but doesn’t post signs telling readers how to get there or get around after arriving. And this lack of authorial direction is precisely why her poems are so wonderful." (Heather Caldwell reviewing Modern Life for Bookforum)


*****************************


I have been getting spanked in clinic for the past week or so.


*****************************


Heather McHugh takes on Vesalius. I mean, she really takes him on! (from POETRY)


*****************************


The poem I drafted a week or so ago has not been trashed yet. I think it may live after all. I haven't convinced myself to discard it, and I haven't been tempted to completely revise it. So, for now, I m just letting it sit.


*****************************


I got an acceptance from a magazine a couple of days ago. The acceptance came by phone! Talk about rare. I can only remember one other time an acceptance came by phone (in this case, by voice mail message).


*****************************


"... if you are gay, they're seeing dollar signs in their eyes."


*****************************


Clue: Regatta


*****************************

Quickstart

Yes, the year is ending. Strange how we mark time. But it is set in my head now, that a year is ending and a new one about to begin. And then there is the always nagging desire that the new year will be even better than the current one...


*****************************


Granta reaches its 100th issue.


*****************************


I have Erasure's "Oh L'Amour" in my head this morning. No idea why. It is kind of awful.


*****************************


Clue: "Through caverns measureless to man..."


*****************************

Secrets and Tigers

Hope everyone survived yesterday unscathed. Now, to survive the New Year...


*****************************


Off to work here shortly. Since I went in yesterday and the day before, I don't really feel like I ever really left there.


*****************************


My small secret I can now reveal is that Charles Wright selected my poem, "Sepsis," for Best American Poetry 2008, due out in August of 2008. The poem originally appeared in Virginia Quarterly Review. I know every issue of BAP stirs up some kind of controversy on the web, but I am glad to think this poem will have a wider audience thanks to the reprint.


*****************************


We heard the helicopters flying overhead for hours yesterday and had no idea what was going on. I joked that an animal must have escaped from the zoo. Well, I was right. (We live a couple blocks from the zoo!)


*****************************


Clue: Vespers


*****************************

Happy Christmas Everyone!

This past weekend has been a whirlwind of a blur... My parents arrived on Saturday morning. That evening, Jacob and I did our monster tamale party. We usually do this on Christmas Eve, but his family couldn't come on Christmas Eve. So, we had almost 20 people here to eat tamales, enchiladas, Chile relleno, Mexican rice, etc. Then, on Sunday, we got up and went to Sonoma with my parents. In all, we bought 3 and a half cases of wine. We went out for French food that night. Yesterday, on Christmas Eve, I had to go in to the hospital to set up and treat an emergency patient. Then came home and helped cook dinner. The night ended with homemade chocolate chip cookies, hot chocolate, and ice cream.

And now, Christmas is here! Today, presents, more cooking and eating. I have to run in to the hospital mid-day to treat a patient, and will then head back home cook some more. To everyone out there: Happy Christmas!

The Winner!

For Round 3, the winner is RJ with 18 votes (to Shanna's 13 votes). Since RJ won the second and third rounds, he is the 2007 Caption Contest Throwdown winner! Congratulations, RJ! Email me your address and telephone number ASAP and the $100 Amex gift card will be on its way. To all of our contestants both during the year and during the finals, thank you. You bring so much laughter and fun into Jacob's and my life.

Come January, we return to our usual monthly caption contest. RJ, you now join Aaron Smith in that rare circle. Try not to claw each other's eyes out.

Caption Off Round 3

And this is it. Shanna won one and RJ won one. So, here is The final round. Voting closes in two hours and the overall winner will be named.






Shanna Compton: "Despite the assurances of his dental hygienist, the anesthetic did *not* wear off before Jeremy's photo shoot for The StudMuffin 2008Wall Calendar later that afternoon."


RJ Gibson: "How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Papi?"


******************************

Caption Contest Final Round Part 3

Best of Three! Voting closes at 6:00pm Pacific Time.

Which is the better caption?

Shanna Compton
RJ Gibson

View Results

Create your own myspace poll

Caption Off Round 2 Results

RJ Gibson 14
Shanna Compton 7

RJ is the winner of this round, so now we have to go to Round Three to decide the winner of the Contest.

Caption Off Round 2

One round out of the way. Shanna won round one. So, if she wins this one, she is the winner of the whole thing. If RJ wins this round, we go to the third round. Best of three wins. Here is the next photo and caption. You have two hours to vote. Voting closes at 4:00 PM Pacific Time.






Shanna Compton: "Hey, watch where you point that thing! And that thing too!"

RJ Gibson: "At Camp Minutemen, College Republicans can only play 'Cowboys and Cowboys'."


******************************

Caption Contest Final Round Part 2

Best of Three! Voting closes at 4:00pm Pacific Time.

Which is the better caption?

Shanna Compton
RJ Gibson

View Results

Create your own myspace poll



******************************

Caption Off Round 1 Results

Shanna 16
RJ 8

Shanna wins Round 1. Now Round 2.

Caption Off Round 1

This is it. The Caption Off. Each of our two remaining finalists are ready. Photo follows with their captions. You have two hours to vote. Then we move to the next photo and caption. Best of Three wins. Voting closes at 2:00pm Pacific Time.





Shanna Compton: "Martina longed for the day she'd meet a nice jar of peanut butter who wasn't afraid to commit."

RJ Gibson: "After successful gender reassignment, Sprout only booked haute couture; having vowed never to do commercial campaigns again."


******************************

Caption Contest Final Round Part 1

Best of Three! Voting closes at 2:00pm Pacific Time.

Which is the better caption?

Shanna Compton
RJ Gibson

View Results

Create your own myspace poll



******************************

Horn o Plenty

The website at NER is now updated with work from our final issue of the year. This is a great issue. Poets included among our pages this time include:

Todd Boss, Gabrielle Calvocoressi, Hugh Coyle, Jordan Davis, Jennifer Grotz, Rachel Hadas, Jeff Mock, D.A. Powell, Mark Rudman, Valerie Wohlfeld, and Kevin Young

We also have translations of poems by CHARLES CROS, PAUL VERLAINE, CATHERINE POZZI, and PAUL ELUARD.

You can check out a couple of the poems: Calvocoressi's "Boxers in the Key of M", and Davis's "No One's Going to Tell You What to Do"

NER makes a great gift for a writer-friend. If you use the discount code "SPCNER" you can get a year of NER for a measly $20. Every issue has tons of essays on all kinds of topics, poems, and fiction, too.


*****************************


Only in the U.K. Dear God!


*****************************


Ted Kooser runs a beautiful poem by Dr. Steve.


*****************************


The Final Round of the Caption Contest starts today. The "Caption Off" will pit Shanna Compton and RJ Gibson against each other. No guest judges. No lengthy commentary. Just photo and captions and two hours of voting, then photo and caption and two hours of voting and photo and caption and two hours of voting. The one who takes the best of three is proclaimed the winner. So, keep tuning in today because we need your votes!


*****************************


Clue: Justin Timberlake


*****************************

Finalist Elimination Round 4 Results

The voting has closed.

RJ Gibson, you had 26 votes. You are in. Congratulations! You will be in the Caption Off Final Round.

Shanna Compton, you had 19 votes. You are in. Congratulations! You will be in the Caption off Final Round.

Dan Kaczmarek, you received 14 votes. Unfortunately, this was the lowest number of votes. You are OUT.

Tune in soon for the Caption Off: rapid fire dueling captions. Best of Three Wins the Prize.

Caption Contest Finalist Round 4

Shanna Compton: "League veterans fondly recall the evening that Duane and Terry somehow mistook their team's new Buff-a-Ball slings for uniforms."

RJ Gibson: "I told you that's not what Coach meant by 'keep your balls high and tight in the pocket'."

Dan Kaczmarek: ""WWE tag team "The Blue Balls" adhered to a strict training regimen of three games of bowling followed by a little clutch and grab on the oil-slick lane."

Voting Ends Around 5 PM Pacific Time

******************************


Day of Show: Contestants are lined up on the runway, under spotlights. Voice of Heidi over loudspeaker saying, “Remember, in The Caption Contest, one day you’re in, the next day you’re out.” Theme music plays.

Heidi: We started out with twelve contestants vying to be the next winner of the Caption Contest. Each of them had proven their skills in the preliminary rounds, but now we have only three...

Flashback [with theme music playing]

Eddie Dixon: I know I have what it takes to win this.

RJ Gibson: These bitches have no idea what I have in store for them! [throws his head up in mock haughtiness]

Heidi Voiceover: There were surprises.

Scene of Anne after being eliminated. She is wearing a sequined flannel shirt and says "This is not the last time you will see me, America."

Cut to Joe Massey, who, surprised by the camera, spits out his beer. Reginald Shepherd rolls his eyes.

Heidi Voiceover: There were even bigger surprises.

Scene of Collin returning to the Runway, arms raised, after Eddie dropped out.

Scene of Collin eliminated a second time. Collin is laughing but trying to hold back tears.

Cut to ADT: I thought this was Top Chef! Where am I? Is this Buffalo?

Fade out and then fade in to Heidi standing backstage.

Heidi: Who will you vote for? At stake is the title of 2007 Caption Contest Champion at the Muse, a $100 American Express Gift Card, furnished by Y & B, and the opportunity to kick start or enhance your net notoriety!

This is the Caption Contest...


Day of Show: Shanna, RJ, and Dan are lined up on the runway, under spotlights. Voice of Heidi over loudspeaker saying, “Remember, in The Caption Contest, one day you’re in, the next day you’re out.” Theme music plays.

Heidi: (Trots down runway wearing a long silver gown with a black empire waist belt). Hello everybody! You are the Final Three. Congratulations!

Contestants: All say hi back. All smile uncomfortably.

Heidi: As you know, Joe was eliminated last week, and the results were close, very close. (smiles evilly) Who among you will be in? Who will be out?

For this challenge, you were asked to write a caption for a picture of two wrestlers bowling in singlets. We cannot see their faces, and there are only a few clues about what is going on. In a moment we'll look at your captions, but first I'd like to welcome our special guests. Top fashion designer Michael Kors; Nina Garcia, fashion director of Elle Magazine; and Jacob Bertrand, co-founder of the Caption Contest and Fashion Consultant here at The Muse.

M. Kors: (Dressed in black suit with silver shiny pinstripes) Hi guys.

Nina: Hello. [moves a stray strand of hair back into place]

Jacob: Hi there. Congrats on making it this far.

Heidi: Nina, Michael, Jacob, welcome back to the Caption Contest! Now, let's bring the captions out onto the runway.

Models enter with posters of captions in hand, and stand next to corresponding contestant. Each one reads the caption aloud.

Dan Kaczmarek: ""WWE tag team "The Blue Balls" adhered to a strict training regimen of three games of bowling followed by a little clutch and grab on the oil-slick lane."

RJ Gibson: "I told you that's not what Coach meant by 'keep your balls high and tight in the pocket'."

Shanna Compton: "League veterans fondly recall the evening that Duane and Terry somehow mistook their team's new Buff-a-Ball slings for uniforms."

Heidi: Well. We are down to the final three. Nina, Michael, Jacob what do you think?

M. Kors: I find it very odd that every one of them incorporates "balls" in the execution of the caption. Balls, while interesting, are so overdone. Where is the surprise here?

Nina: Predictable. Very predictable. I am not thrilled with any of these.

Jacob: Lots of similarities here. But I think they all have their own little spark.

Heidi: Well, let's start with Dan.

M. Kors: This is too long! I just don't think this photo deserved such a lengthy treatment. I prefer Gwyneth Paltrow with shorter hair, not the overly long extension Gwyneth. That said, I did like the way he snuck in "oil-slick" lane.

Nina: It is well-executed. We expect that from Dan. But why use "blue balls" as the team title? I just don't get this. It seems so mismatched, like purple bamboo.

Jacob: Although I very much enjoy the idea of the "clutch and grab" session that this caption promises, I'm not quite sure how well this caption works with the photo.


Heidi: Of the group, Dan has demonstrated fine work week after week...

M. Kors: Yes, but is that enough? I'm not sure.

Nina: [shakes head] No. Not sure.

Jacob: Nope, not sure at all.

Heidi: Well, let us move on to Shanna.

M.Kors: "League veterans"? I almost expected to look back at the photo and see soldiers having an episode of PTSD!

Nina: Yes. This is a little off. Not to mention, I can see a pin at the end of the caption! [shakes head and looks disappointed]

Jacob: Fond memories indeed! I think that this caption works the best with the photo. Maybe not as catchy as RJ's but it certainly captures the moment.

Heidi: Shanna, too, has provided some strong work throughout this competition.

Nina: [still shaking head]

Jacob: I like it. Good work, Shanna.

Heidi: Let us finish up with RJ.

Nina: I like the caption within a caption here. Very sophisticated.

M. Kors: It's brief. It's complex. He got the word "Coach" in there. I like it.

Jacob: I like the conciseness of this caption. Very snappy! I also like the admonishing tone of the caption. It goes well with the hands on the hips. However, I think it would have worked a little better with a frontal view photo as opposed to this one.


M. Kors: This is going to be tough this week. Too much similarity.

Nina: [index finger against left side of nose] Yes. It will be interesting to see what the final two do in the Caption Off.

M. Kors: Well, hopefully there will be less "balls" involved!

Nina: [looks at M. Kors and smirks]

Jacob: [smiling] Yes, less balls...

Heidi: Well, I want to thank our judges again. And I want to congratulate our three finalists for making it this far. Contestants, you may leave the runway.

M. Kors, Nina, Jacob: Thanks guys!

Contestants: [Still smiling] Thanks.


******************************


The judges have spoken, but you are the ones who make the ultimate decision. Which two stay to battle it out in the Caption Off best of three?

Caption Contest Finalist Round 4

Vote for the best caption, because the contestant with the lowest score is OUT!

Who stays?

Shanna Compton
Dan Kaczmarek
RJ Gibson

View Results

Create your own myspace poll

His Tongue like Sweetened Gasoline

Last night, driving home from work, I kept repeating the same phrase in my head. And soon, I saw the ways vivisection are represented in textbooks. And the cleanliness of it. And I thought bout fingernails and gasoline. I thought about John Donne. And then I knew the last line. And then I knew the first line. I had to go drop off something at a patient's house, so it took me an hour to get home, but by the time I got home I had almost the entire poem. And so I changed, went into the kitchen and prepped stuff to make dinner. And I could, the whole time I was doing this, see the lines in my head, as if there were a keyboard in my brain somewhere and a display just behind my eyes. I could see the 7 quatrains. And so, while the beef was marinating (and Jacob's beef alternative), I went to my studio, sat down and, within about 15 minutes drafted the poem. It poured out of me. I already had all 28 lines in me. So, not counting my Yaddo work, this was my fourth poem of the year. Add the four poems I wrote this year to the 12 I wrote at Yaddo, and it makes for a lot of poems. 4 years work for me! Last year's ten pales in comparison. But without the time at Yaddo this year, I would have written my usual four poems. Creature of habit. Creature of numbers and obsession.


*****************************


The next round of the Caption Contest Throwdown launches today. This is a big round. After this, the final two duke it out in a "caption off" best of three.


*****************************


Clue: Overheard


*****************************

Hatfuls of Hollow

What is it about the close of the year? Why is there always good news and good times and always, always, bad news, too? The Ying and the Yang. Yesterday was not a good day. At the end of my day in clinic, I received some not so good news. Still processing it. Trying to look at the bright side, but having trouble doing that. Sorry to be so vague, but I am not sure it would be a good thing to tak about it here.


*****************************


We are down to the Final Three in the Caption Contest End of Year Throwdown. Just three contestants left. This year, we have Shanna Compton, RJ Gibson, and Dan Kaczmarek in the final three. They already have their next photo, and are busy writing their captions. We will know the winner of the whole deal by Christmas. The final two will be part of the Caption off, a grueling match where they will each caption three photos. Voting will then take place, and a winner will be named for each of the three photos. The person who wins 2 or more of these rounds will be the Champion. So keep tuning in. We are almost there.


*****************************


Emily Bronte, who wrote one of my three favorite novels, Wuthering Heights, died on this day in 1848. She succumbed to Tuberculosis after refusing to seek medical attention. Despite the fact we know and appreciate her primarily for her novel, she was considered a Poet when she died.


*****************************


The mega-popular "W00t!" is actually an acronym for "We owned the other team!" It comes from the techie world of gaming.


*****************************


Clue: Pestilence


*****************************

Finalist Elimination Round 3 Results

Talk about close. We closed the voting at 5pm, and here are the results:

Dan Kaczmarek: 29 votes, so you are IN.
Shanna Compton: 25 votes, so you are IN.
RJ Gibson: 24 votes, so you are IN.

Unfortunately, Joe Massey came in with 23 votes. This just goes to show you that each and every one of your votes could make a difference. Sadly, close or not, Joe has the least amount of votes and, therefore, he is OUT.

The next round will start soon.

Flight

The Third Round of the Caption Contest Throwdown is going on right now. With only 4 finalists left, we need you to vote for the caption you think is the best. Check out the photo and captions below.


****************************


My practice partner has to head out of town for a family emergency. I will be solo in clinic for a while.


****************************


Longer post later, if possible.


****************************


Clue: Drizzling


****************************

Caption Contest Finalist Round 3

Well, it is time for Round Three for the Finalists. Once again, we have given them a photo and asked them to provide a caption in less than 24 hours. This time, there are only four Finalists left.

And here are the captions:



Shanna Compton: "When Chris snapped at Jason to stuff a sock in it, this was not quite what he had in mind."


RJ Gbson: " First rule of soccer: don't touch the balls with your hands."


Dan Kaczmarek: "When not in use, Posh Spice stores easily in David's tighty-whiteys."


Joe Massey: "Hernia: the new cologne for men."




And now, let’s hear from our guest judges:


Day of Show: Contestants are lined up on the runway, under spotlights. Voice of Heidi over loudspeaker saying, “Remember, in The Caption Contest, one day you’re in, the next day you’re out.” Theme music plays.


Heidi: (Strolls in dressed in a black and silver Kimono). Hello everybody!


Contestants: All say hi back loudly.


Heidi: As you know, Collin returned only to be eliminated again, proving that once you are out, you really are OUT. (Some contestants look positively giddy at hearing this). This week, no surprises! Let start the show, because after tonight there will only be three of you remaining (smiles evilly)

For this challenge, you were asked to write a caption for a picture of David Beckham wearing nothing but white briefs. He is scowling at us and appears to be preparing to rise from the bed. In a moment we'll look at your captions, but first I'd like to welcome our special guests. Top fashion designer Michael Kors; Nina Garcia, fashion director of Elle Magazine; and this week, Jacob Bertrand, co-founder of the Caption Contest and Fashion Consultant here at The Muse.


M. Kors: (Dressed in seersucker suit). Hi guys.

Nina: Hello. (Turns briefly to see what M. Kors is doing and then nods and smiles.)

Jacob: Hi there.


Heidi: Nina, Michael, Jacob, welcome back to the Caption Contest! Now, let's bring the captions out onto the runway.

Models enter with posters of captions in hand, and stand next to corresponding contestant. Each one reads the caption aloud.


Shanna Compton: "When Chris snapped at Jason to stuff a sock in it, this was not quite what he had in mind."


RJ Gbson: " First rule of soccer: don't touch the balls with your hands."


Dan Kaczmarek: "When not in use, Posh Spice stores easily in David's tighty-whiteys."


Joe Massey: "Hernia: the new cologne for men."


Heidi: Well. These are all a change from last week. Nina, Michael, Jacob what do you think?


M Kors: Well, let me just get this out of the way... At this point in the competition, we are looking for originality. We are looking for captions that not only show point of view but that actually take us somewhere, show us something we never expected. I realize all we see here is Becks' crotch, but the contestants should have worked harder to get a rise, um, I mean, surprise us.


Nina: Yes, these were all a bit predictable. I am somewhat disappointed.


Jacob: This was a tough challenge this week and, well, it shows.


Heidi: OK. Which captions do we like?


M Kors: I really like RJ's use of "balls" and "hands" here, but the caption was just kind of blah. This was his chance to really shine and, well, he didn't for me.


Nina: We all know Beckham plays football. I was expecting something fresher, something with a little more contemporary appeal.


Jacob: As with Dan's caption, a nice play on the fact that the photo is of David Beckham. But if we didn't know that, these captions wouldn't make a lot of sense. That said, I like this caption, though I would have preferred "Never" as opposed to "don't", as in: "Never touch the balls with your hands"


M Kors: And Joe's caption. Last week, hemorrhoids, this week hernias. Joe, we are trying to see some elegance here. And once again, you play to the rough trade of the marketplace.


Nina: It was, well, more subtle than last week's. But yes, disappointing. (She looks something between bereft and annoyed).


Jacob: I mean "Hernia" is a little graphic, not to mention kind of gross. That said, he does seem to be carrying a bit of weight, so, I like it.


M Kors: I liked Dan’s. It’s almost funny. A nice mix of stock phrases like "tightey whiteys" and the more suggestive nods we have come to expect from Dan.


Nina: I was confused by this. What does he mean by "in use." Is Posh a cleaning product? I am baffled by this.


Jacob: I like the literal reference to Posh's comments on the photo. Though from what she says, there mightn't be much room in there for her.


Heidi: What about Shanna? What did we think of Shanna's work this week?


Nina: It’s well executed. But it (places index finger to right side of nose and pauses) just didn't wow me.


M Kors: It’s clever. It’s cheeky. I like it.


Jacob: This one is my favourite. I like the fact that, as with Joe's caption, it doesn't reference David directly but still focuses attention on his naughty bits, which, admit it, you were all looking at.


M Kors: At this point, people need to step up their game. One of you is going to walk out of here with a cash prize and a lot of media attention and, well, right now I am just not seeing a clear leader of the pack. I never thought I'd say this, but I actually miss Collin!

Nina: Yes. This is supposed to be a competition.

Jacob: Good luck to all of you!


Heidi: Well. We’ve heard what the guest judges have to say. Contestants, you can leave the runway.


M Kors, Nina, Jacob: (Smiling to contestants) Thanks guys!


Contestants: All walk off. Looking desperate and afraid.


Heidi: Remember. In the Caption Contest, one day you’re in, the next day, you’re out.


*****************************


So, we have heard from our judges, but the decision about who stays and who goes remains in your hands. It is your vote that decides which three finalists continue on in the competition. Vote for the caption you think is best. And tune in later to see who will continue on...

Caption Contest Finalist Round 3

Vote, because the person with the least number of votes is OUT.

Who Stays?

Shanna Compton
RJ Gibson
Dan Kaczmarek
Joe Massey

View Results

Create your own myspace poll

Transparent Tape Is Not Transparent On Silver Paper

The only poet living in the capital respected by both T.S. Eliot and Ezra Pound was W.B. Yeats – and even he, they agreed, needed “modernising”.


*****************************


Allan Berube passed away.


*****************************


Busy week ahead of me again. But what is new? Someone recently asked me to post what my day's schedule looked like. Maybe I shall. But I don't really know what it would tell anyone to look at in my schedule.


*****************************


I ended up getting a bluetooth earpiece for my iPhone. I am a big believer in hands free devices when driving. And my car, unlike Jacob's, does not act like a giant phone where simply talking out loud (a la Star Trek) can mean dialing a phone number and then being able to converse with someone over the speakers in the car.


*****************************


An obit for Diane Middlebrook.


*****************************


The remaining 4 Finalists are busy writing their captions. The next round of voting takes place soon. So tune back in to see the next round and to vote. The Fantastic Four are Shanna Compton, RJ Gibson, Dan Kaczmarek, and Joe Massey.


*****************************


Clue: Unbunching


*****************************

My First Tree

This might sound silly to many, but this is my first Christmas Tree as an adult, the first one I have had since being in San Francisco. I have always gone somewhere else for Christmas: my parents' place, my ex's parents, etc. The few times I have stayed home for Christmas, I have never gotten a Tree. So, I feel a strange happiness about this Tree. Jacob and I set it up and then trimmed it. We wanted sophistacted and elegant. We wanted a lot. But the Tree, it came out perfectly. So perfect, I just stood and stared at it for almost 5 minutes straight. Jacob is playing Frank Sinatra Christmas songs on his Bose iPod thingie, and the house is warm from the heater. And I feel settled in a way I have never before felt in my entire life. I have never felt this way before ever. Sitting a while ago, I felt myself tearing up. I felt like I was going to explode with joy. I am one lucky son-of-a-bitch (sorry, Mom). It is funny to think back on how I didn't want to go to that stupid Halloween Party so many years ago, but it was the best party of my life. If I hadn't gone, there would be no Jacob in my life. I cannot even imagine that. Anyway, enough of this sappy gruel. But before I go, here is one last shot of the Tree.

Binge Shopping

Well, we are definitely helping out the economy. It started yesterday morning with getting Jacob a new car. The car I got him for Christmas two years ago was up. Well, the lease was up. So we went in and got another Audi. Then, later in the day, I realized my laptop was already 5+ years old and was so old I couldn't update well to the new OS. Jacob has been wanting a stand alone computer to replace his older laptop. So, we ended up in the Apple store, where we ended up buying me a new MacBook Pro laptop and him one of the new monster screen iMacs. We came home so amped up on techie adrenaline that we ended up giving each other our Christmas presents. Why? Because we each got the other one an iPhone. We are totally out of control.


*****************************


The four remaining finalists in the Caption Contest Throwdown will be receiving the photo for the next round shortly.


*****************************


Today, trimming the tree. And more Christmas week planning. And more submissions to read.


*****************************


I have the song "Psycho Killer" by Talking Heads in my head today.


*****************************


My ringtone for my new phone is the opening music they use to play on Six Feet Under. How geeky is that! It beats the Marimba ringtone so many people use.


*****************************


Clue: "Cause you're filthy, and you're gorgeous..."


*****************************

Lambda Book Award

The Lambda Literary Foundation combined their awards for Gay and Lesbian Poetry into one category this year. As a consequence, here is the practically final list of nominees in the category. From these the judges have to name the five finalists. It is amazing to see so many books listed. The Pink Team makes a lot of poems!


LGBT POETRY

* Walking in Sappho's Garden, Ayin Adams
* Blissful Times, Sandra Alland (Book Thug)
* New Jersey, Betsy Andrews (University of Winsconsin Press)
* Seminal, John Barton and Billeh Nickerson (Arsenal Pulp Press)
* The Human Line, Ellen Bass (Copper Canyon Press)
* Notebook of Roses and Civilization, Nicole Brossard (Coach House Books
* All: A James Broughton Reader, James Broughton, edited by Jack Foley (White
Crane Wisdom/Lethe Press)
* Sister, Nickole Brown (Red Hen Press)
* The Marrow's Telling, Eli Clare (Homofactus Press)
* The Natural Law of Water, Kathleen Cluver (Burning Bush)
* Blackbird and Wolf, Henri Cole (Farrar, Strauss & Giroux)
* Catching Tigers in Red Weather, Andrew Demcak (Three Candles Press)
* A Question of Gravity and Light, Blas Falconer (University of Arizona Press)
* Blind Date with Cavafy, Steve Fellner (Marsh Hawk Press)
* After the Fall, Edward Field (University of Pittsburgh)
* Scarlet E, Lois Glenn (Regal Crest Enterprises)
* Underwater Lengths in a Single Breath, Benjamin Grossberg (Ashland Poetry
Series)
* Under Sleep, Daniel Hall (University of Chicago Press)
* Rift, Forrest Hamer (Four Way Books)
* The Islands Project, Eloise Klein Healy (Red Hen Press)
* Hejira, Reginald T. Jackson (Outskirts Press)
* I'm the Man Who Loves You, Amy King (Blazevox Books)
* More Than Anything, Hiram Larew (Vrzhu Press)
* My Body, Joan Larkin (Hanging Loose Press)
* Imago, Joseph Legaspi (CavanKerry Press)
* A Gathering of Matter/A Matter of Gathering, Dawn Lundy Martin (University of
Georgia Press)
* Sorry, Tree, Eileen Myles (Wave Books)
* What's Written on the Body, Peter Pereira (Copper Canyon Press)
* The Body is No Machine, Jennifer Perrine (New Issues)
* Torch River, Elizabeth Philips (Brick Books)
* Quiver of Arrows, Carl Phillips (Farrar, Strauss & Giroux)
* Wonder, Nicole Pollifrone (P.D. Publishing)
* The Brightness, William Reichard (Mid-List Press)
* Telephone Ringing in the Labyrinth, Adrienne Rich (W.W. Norton)
* Breezeway, Jason Roush (Windstorm Creative)
* Rhythms, Leo Shelton (Tugson Press)
* Fata Morgana, Reginald Shepherd (University of Pittsburgh)
* Theory of Orange, Rachel M. Simon (Pavement Saw Press)
* The Screw and the Fast of It, Nathalie Stephens (Nightboat Books)
* Purple Hats and Pink Tutus, Betty Nadine Thomas (Spruce Head Island Press)
* Going Around with Bachelors, Agnes Walsh (Brick Books)
* The Second Person, C. Dale Young (Four Way Books)
* Human Resources, Rachel Zolf (Coach House Books)

Finalist Elimination Round 2 Results

Well, you all voted, and the results are as follows:

Joe Massey, you received 31 votes, so you are IN.

RJ Gibson, you received 27 votes, so you are IN.

Dan Kaczmarek, you received 20 votes, so you are IN.

Shanna Compton, you received 17 votes, so you are IN.

Sadly, Collin Kelley, you received 12 votes, and so you are, once again, OUT.


Tune in again soon for the next round of eliminations. The four remaining finalists will again compete for your votes.

And a Partridge...

The Second round of competition for the Caption Contest Finalists continues below. Voting will continue until about 5:00-5:30pm Pacific Time. So, if you haven't voted, please do. Remember, the winner of the Competition, the one left standing at the end, gets this handy dandy $100 American Express Gift Card.


*****************************


We finally went and got the tree and the lights and the ornaments and the wrapping paper and and and and and... Oh Christmas.


*****************************


The controversy over Garcia Lorca's bones continues.


*****************************


The year is closing quickly now. You can feel it slipping away quickly.


*****************************


Clue: "Maybe I can find new ways to motivate them..."


*****************************

Caption Contest Finalist Round 2

Well, it is time for Round Two for the Finalists. Once again, we have given them a photo and asked them to provide a caption in less than 24 hours. This time, Eddie Dixon decided to withdraw from the competition. We are sorry to see you leave, Eddie, but the contest must go on…


And here are the captions:




Dan Kaczmarek: "Justin vowed this would be the last time he would be spurned by his reflection, though he knew deep down inside he would be the only man good enough for himself."


Joe Massey: "As he stood in the hallway, slightly bent over, he thought to himself: Little do they all know, I am suffering horribly from a profoundly robust hemorrhoid."


RJ Gibson: "Calling me Gideon is not part of the expanded turn-down policy."


Shanna Compton: "Wait. One more shot. This one's my specialty: the lean & mean. Get it?"


Collin Kelley: "Just for my gay fans, I always try to have at least one photo where I 'assume the position.' As a Christmas bonus, I'm doing it in front of a tasteful mirror. Wink, wink."



And now, let’s hear from our guest judges:


Day of Show: Contestants are lined up on the runway, under spotlights. Voice of Heidi over loudspeaker saying, “Remember, in The Caption Contest, one day you’re in, the next day you’re out.” Theme music plays.


Heidi: (Strolls in dressed in stiletto heels and pink hot pants). Hello everybody!


Contestants: All mumble greetings. Tired, but smiling.


Heidi: As you know, Eddie had to resign, unfortunately. (Some contestants are tearful, others are barely able to conceal their glee at having one less competitor). So, to keep the level of competition high, we have a surprise for you. (Collin Kelly enters, smiling and waving arms).


All: A mix of cheers, tears and jeers.


Heidi: Welcome back Collin! It looks like sometimes “out” becomes “in” again.


Collin: (Takes his place in the lineup). Yes. I just wish it were true for my belly button! Ha!


Heidi: Collin. We hope you fare better this week (smiles evilly).


Heidi: For this challenge, you were asked to write a caption for a picture of some guy with a tattoo leaning over a table. He was wearing a wife beater, and one of his arms was reflected in a mirror. In a moment we'll look at your captions, but first I'd like to welcome our special guests. “Top” fashion designer Michael Kors; Nina Garcia, fashion director of Elle Magazine; and this week, C. Dale Young, the founder of the Caption Contest here at The Muse.


M. Kors: (Dressed in a leather harness and holding a whip). Hi guys.

Nina: Hello. (Caught by surprise just as she is removing her index finger from her nose, she nods and smiles.)


CDY: Hi Studs! Hi Shanna!


Heidi: Nina, Michael, C. Dale, welcome back to the Caption Contest! Now, let's bring the captions out onto the runway.

Models enter with posters of captions in hand, and stand next to corresponding contestant. Each one reads the caption aloud.


Dan Kaczmarek: "Justin vowed this would be the last time he would be spurned by his reflection, though he knew deep down inside he would be the only man good enough for himself."



Joe Massey: "As he stood in the hallway, slightly bent over, he thought to himself: Little do they all know, I am suffering horribly from a profoundly robust hemorrhoid."



RJ Gibson: "Calling me Gideon is not part of the expanded turn-down policy."



Shanna Compton: "Wait. One more shot. This one's my specialty: the lean & mean. Get it?"



Collin Kelley: "Just for my gay fans, I always try to have at least one photo where I 'assume the position.' As a Christmas bonus, I'm doing it in front of a tasteful mirror. Wink, wink."



Heidi: Well. These are all certainly different from last week. Nina, Michael, C. Dale what do you think?


M Kors: First of all, I am surprised to see Collin back. This week we had padded-shoulder Chris come back from the dead on Project Runway, too. What is going on? I mean, I thought when you were out you were out? What gives?


Nina: Life is imitating art, isn’t it? It’s a bit disturbing. But I like it.


CDY: It’s getting hard to tell the difference between reality and TV. I mean, where *are* we?


Heidi: OK. Which captions do we like?


M Kors: I love Collins “assume the position,” but the caption is a mess. He should have toned it down.


Nina: It OK. But it’s like all his other captions. Gay gay gay. Collin, we know you can do gay. I was expecting something fresher.


CDY: I do like the “wink, wink” at the end. Soooooo over the top!


M Kors: Joe’s hemorrhoid reference is just too gross. I mean gawd. Give the man some Preparation H.


Nina: It was not subtle. (She is shaking her head as if at a bad odor).


CDY: Well, Joe does have a penchant for the shock value lewdness.


Joe: You should talk! (glaring at C. Dale) You are the King of lewd with these photos you provide.


CDY: Good point… (smiles evilly)


M Kors: I liked Shanna’s. It’s cute and it fits her.


Nina: I was confused by this. “One more shot.” Did she mean liquor? Or one more picture? I need to see a clearer point of view.


CDY: Yes, it is a good caption, but it wasn’t as striking as some of her other captions in the past.


Heidi: What about RJ? Didn’t you think the “turndown policy” idea was clever?


Nina: It’s well executed. That’s one thing we can always count on from RJ.


M Kors: It’s spare. It’s concise. I like it.


CDY: I like it, but it might be a bit too spare. Who knows?


Heidi: What about Dan’s?


M Kors: I dunno. It’s all over the place. It’s Narcissus with a daffodil in his fist.


Nina: The mirror reference is a little too easy. I was expecting more from Dan this late in the competition. I was wanting something “younger” from him.


CDY: Isn’t Dan the youngest person in this competiton? I mean, last time he gave us “fisting,” and this time we get this?


Heidi: Well. We’ve heard what the guest judges have to say. Contestants, you can leave the runway.


M Kors, Nina, C. Dale: (Smiling to contestants) Thanks guys!


Contestants: All walk off. Looking morose and wounded.


Heidi: Remember. In the Caption Contest, one day you’re in, the next day, you’re out.


*****************************


So, now that we have heard from our judges, what do you think? After all, you all make the decision who stays and who goes. Vote for the caption you think is the best.

Caption Contest Finalist Round 2

Vote, because the finalist with the least votes is OUT...

Who Stays?

Shanna Compton
RJ Gibson
Dan Kaczmarek
Collin Kelley
Joe Massey

View Results

Create your own myspace poll

One Post Hides Another

US Airways sinks to a new low. Yup, they now charge you a surcharge to book through their own website! Um, wha? Isn't the whole point of booking at the airline's website to avoid such charges?


*****************************


We still haven't gotten a tree yet. I think we'll try to go get one tonight or this weekend. This time of year always seems to be running faster than other times of year. I don't particularly like that feeling...


*****************************


I am not reading anything right now. I feel badly about that. I should be reading something other than submissions. I did read the recent issue of Gulf Coast, and it was pretty amazing, actually. I had many moments of pure jealousy.


*****************************


The second caption has already gone out to our five remaining finalists (sorry, Collin). They should be back to me today around midday and will then go out to our fabulous guest judges for commentary. We are one step closer to awarding the grand prize. So continue tuning in and voting.


*****************************


Don Share discusses what Patrizia Cavalli told Kenneth Koch.


*****************************


Email I recently got:

"OMG, CDY, there is a rumor going around that you are gay!"

My response:

"Jesus! Who started that rumor? My husband?"


*****************************


Clue: Intractable metal!


*****************************

Finalist Elimination Round 1 Results

Joe Massey, you had 38 votes. You are IN.

RJ Gibson, you had 25 votes. You are IN.

Shanna Compton, you had 18 votes. You are IN.

Dan Kaczmarek, you had 17 votes. You are IN.

Eddie Dixon, you had 11 votes. You, too, are IN.

Collin Kelley, you had the lowest number of votes. And therefore, you are OUT.

Testy

"Let's just say that the first challenge in this mother-daughter competition involves the teams trying to making a good first impression on the judges, and virtually all the teams appear to believe that bad poetry is part of a good first impression."


*****************************


Jacob and I still have to go get a Christmas Tree. Gag!


*****************************


"Notwithstanding the occasional university-press finalist (this year: David Kirby), the National Book Award for poetry is generally open to only a few American poets — those published by major presses like Ecco (HarperCollins), Knopf, and Farrar, Straus and Giroux. Poets published by small presses rarely get nominated and never win."


*****************************


The first round for the Finalists continues below. If you haven't voted yet, please do. Remember, it is your votes that decide who stays and who gets eliminated. And the writer left standing at the end gets a $100 gift card from American Express. So, check out the captions and vote. Voting for this round ends sometime mid-day today (Pacific Time).


*****************************


A.E. Stallings weighs in on the Wendy Cope thing I posted about yesterday.


*****************************


Clue: Testify, Testosterone, Testarosa!


*****************************

Caption Contest Finalist Round 1

Below this photo are each of the captions submitted by our six finalists, followed by critiques and commentaries by our Judges (Heidi, Michael, Nina, and Aaron). Aaron is our honorary judge since he was last year's overall winner of the caption contest. Of course, all commentary aside, you and your votes decide who will stay and who will go. One of these six will be eliminated after this round, and the remaining five will continue on...





Dan Kaczmarek: "After years spent in the undergound pornography scene, Mario was finally comfortable double-fisting in public."


Collin Kelley: "A.C. Slater was the hit of the Bayside High reunion, offering body shots to everyone, even Screech."


Joe Massey: "Hey, guys! If I douse my nipples in Corona they'll completely disappear!"


Eddie Dixon: "Does anyone object to an act of passion with these two consenting partners?"


RJ Gibson: "'I'll take 'Things I Swallowed Last Friday,' for a thousand, Alex."


Shanna Compton: "Be with you in a minute, honey. Lemme just put on my beer goggles."


And now we hear from our judges:

Day of Show: Contestants are standing on the runway, under spotlights.

Heidi: For this challenge, you were asked to write a caption for a picture of Mario. His chest was bare, and he was holding two beers. In a moment we'll look at your captions, but first I'd like to introduce today's special guests! World famous fashion designer Michael Kors, Nina Garcia, fashion director of Elle Magazine, and Aaron Smith, last year's winner of the Caption Contest Throwdown.

M. Kors: Hi guys.

Nina: Nods and smiles. Index finger against cheek.

Aaron: Hi there. Rolls eyes.

Heidi: Nina, Michael, Aaron, welcome to the Caption Contest! Now, let's bring the captions out onto the runway.

Models enter with posters of captions in hand, and stand next to corresponding contestant. Each one reads the caption aloud.

Shanna Compton: "Be with you in a minute, honey. Lemme just put on my beer goggles."

RJ Gibson: "'I'll take 'Things I Swallowed Last Friday,' for a thousand, Alex."

Dan Kaczmarek: "After years spent in the underground pornography scene, Mario was finally comfortable double-fisting in public."

Collin Kelley: "A.C. Slater was the hit of the Bayside High reunion, offering body shots to everyone, even Screech."

Joe Massey: "Hey, guys! If I douse my nipples in Corona they'll completely disappear!"

Eddie Dixon: "Does anyone object to an act of passion with these two consenting partners?"

Rounds of applause for all. Then tense silence.

Heidi: Well. These are all certainly interesting takes. Nina, Michael, Aaron what do you think?

M. Kors: Well, first of all I want to say I feel like I'm at a drunken frat party. First of all this picture of Mario, it's hideous. Where did they find it?

Nina: Yes. He's looking ripped, but a little thin for Mario.

Aaron: Well, I wouldn't throw him out of bed for eating my pita snacks!

M Kors: Yes, someone feed him a steak sandwich. Please!

Nina: Nods in agreement.

M Kors: And then to top it off we have captions from *five* guys and only one girl. It's like a bad toga party or kegger.

Nina: Yes, it's a little out of proportion.

Aaron: If this is a toga party, it is the dullest one I have been to in ages...

Heidi: Well, let's start with the lone girl, then. What do you think of Shannon's?

Nina: Unfortunately, I think she got caught up with trying to be one of the guys, here. I was expecting something a little more clever from her. It's not my favorite.

M. Kors: Yes. The beer goggles are so Green Bay. Just put a cheese head on him.

Aaron: What is this? Is this a caption or a motto for the AWP Conference?

Heidi: Smiling. OK. What do we think of the guys' captions?

M. Kors: Well I like the riskiness of Dan and Collin. Mario as gay, who would have thought? (tongue in cheek).

Nina: It's not the most original concept, but it works. I'm not sure what Collin means by a "body shot," but I like it. Is it about booze? Sex? Both? (She looks quizzical).

Heidi: Giggles. Collin, can you tell us what a body shot is? Or is it too x rated for TV?

Collin: Blushes. No comment.

Aaron: Nice "Saved by the Bell" reference, though I wonder if you could have pushed it more and somehow worked Elizabeth Berkeley into it, too... (sighs)

Nina: I thought Dan's fisting reference was perhaps a little too graphic. Even for *this* contest.

M Kors: I dunno. B & D is becoming *very* D & G. It's almost their trademark look. Now everybody's doing it.

Aaron: Any caption that can successfully incorporate "fisting" and "porn" is a winner in my book...Are you trying to tell us something, Dan?

Dan: Looks very nervous and turns purple.

Heidi: What about the others? I like Eddie's.

Aaron: Huh? I just don't get this at all.

Nina: Yes, it's good, but a little safe. A little suburban and domestic, don't you think?

M. Kors: "Partners" is so 1980's. Gimme a break. I think Mario would be having a F**k Buddy.

Nina: Gasps, cover her face with her hands, shaking her head.

Heidi: Michael! I've not seen this side of you before. (Smiles evilly)

M. Kors: Honey you haven't seen the first of it.

Heidi: What do you think about Joe and RJ's captions?

Nina: RJ's Jeopardy reference is a little forced. And I'd don't get it, frankly. A thousand what?

Aaron: Oh RJ. "Things I Swallowed" or "Who I Swallowed"? I'm glad you went for the $1000

M Kors: Joe's is well-designed. The rhythm, the brevity, the reference to those luscious little nips. I'm all for it.

Aaron: I'm not sure I totally get Joe's caption, but I like thinking about Mario's nipples...

Heidi: Ok. We've heard from the guest commentators. Contestants, you can leave the runway. Thank you for having us!

Contestants leave, looking brutalized, but hopeful.


******************************


Okay folks, you heard what the judges think, but what do you think? Your vote is the one that counts.

Caption Contest Finalist Round 1

Vote because the finalist with the lowest score is OUT.

Who should stay?

Shanna Compton
Eddie Dixon
RJ Gibson
Dan Kaczmarek
Collin Kelley
Joe Massey

View Results

Create your own myspace poll

Moose and Squirrel

I am waiting on our guest judges to finish submitting their commentary before posting the next round of the Caption Contest. But as soon as I get the commentary, the game will continue. So stay tuned...


*****************************


"He wears a trim blue blazer, a blue shirt, and a mild tie. No campus casual for Weaver: He dresses this way every day, as if heeding Flaubert's advice to 'Be regular and orderly in your life like a bourgeois, so that you may be violent and original in your work.'"


*****************************


"My poems are all over the internet. I've managed to get them removed from one or two sites that were major offenders, but there are dozens, if not hundreds of sites displaying poems without permission. If I Google the title of one of my poems, it is almost always there somewhere, and I can download it and print it out. I'm sure that this must affect sales of my books."

I am not sure what to think about what Wendy Cope has to say here. But it does raise a lot of questions.


*****************************


“I am a torture to myself,” Tsvetayeva announces in true despair toward the end of her life. But you never stop expecting her to say, in her best Natasha voice, “Boh-ris, Dahlink, vee must keel moose and squirrel.” (registration may be required)


*****************************


Back to clinic today. I can only pray it isn't as crazy as it was the week before I left for Vegas.


*****************************


Clue: Prive


*****************************

Back

Jacob and I made it back from Vegas last evening without difficulty, a rare thing for us returning from anywhere. It was a fun trip, and it was good to hang out with my parents. We saw STOMP OUT LOUD, which none of us had seen before, and it was really good. We ate too much (but refrained from buffets), and we walked all over the place. We even went down to downtown Vegas (where none of us had ever been), and it was there, at Binion's, that I won the sixteen hundred dollar jackpot on a slot machine. It was all a little surreal, the lights flashing and the bells ringing, etc.


*****************************


Busy today reading for NER. Will be reading for a good half day.


*****************************


The finalists already have their photo for captioning. The guest judges will be reviewing their captions and commenting on them later today. And then you all get to vote. Hilarious stuff.


*****************************


Clue: Corn


*****************************

I Won!

Double Diamond / Double Diamond / Double Diamond = $1,600.00!

Meet the Finalists

We combined both rounds of voting and the results are as follows:

RJ Gibson (51 votes)

Joe Massey (35)

Dan Kaczmarek (25)

Shanna Compton (18)

Collin Kelley (17)

Eddie Dixon (16)


Sadly, Anne Haines and ADT are out. The slate is now clean. Starting soon, a photo will be posted with a caption from each of the finalists. Guest judges will critique the captions, but you all choose who stays and who goes. Rounds will progress until we have a champion. So, all finalists should email me at cdaleyoung at cdaleyoung dot com to ensure I have their correct email address. I will send them the photo and they will have 24 hours to submit a single caption. No caption equals elimination. The games really begin now!

Sin City Dreaming

I finally found the Washington Post thing people kept mentioning to me. I am absolutely loving the fact Mr. Pinsky thinks I am under 35!


*****************************


Jacob and I are off to Vegas in a few hours. My parents are already there by now. See, I didn't turn out this way by accident. They made me this way!


*****************************


Jacob keeps singing Christmas tunes. I am having a hard time believing it is already December.


*****************************


Have you voted yet? We are down to the last elimination round before the six finalists are named, the six who will compete for this handy dandy $100 Amex Gift Card. Help Jacob and me out. Vote below.


*****************************


Clue: Banana Wontons


*****************************

Elimination Round 3

This is the final elimination based on previous captions. So, if you want any of these folks around to battle each other by coming up with new captions for new photos, vote to keep them in the contest. 2 more must go before we can start the finalist rounds. There will be roughly 24 hours of voting and then two will go. Again, here are the remaining contestants:


Contestant #13 : Anne Haines



"Dude, when we helped you shop for a ten gallon hat, we really did not have this in mind."


*****************************


Contestant #14 : ADT



"As you can see, these cacti differ in appearance from most others due to their distinctive pricks."


*****************************


Contestant #15 : Joe Massey



"You know," he said, "I've never felt more pleasure than when I'm having sex with a dolphin."

[Shortly after the picture was taken, he was fired. Sea World declined to comment.]


*****************************


Contestant #16 : Eddie Dixon




"If I have told you once, I have told you a thousand times. Think outside the box."


*****************************


Contestant #18 : RJ Gibson



"Okay, one more time. It goes: grapevine, grapevine, step ball change, pony, pony, jazz hands."


*****************************


Contestant #20 : Collin Kelley



"Does this sweater make me look fat?"


*****************************


Contestant #21 : Daniel Kaczmarek



"No matter how fast he ran, Bob could not escape the arm flourishing terror of the Celine Dion army."


*****************************


Contestant #23 : Shanna Compton



"Mirror Mirror on the wall...who's the buffest of them all?"


*****************************

Caption Contest Elimination Round 3

Help us narrow down the contestants to the Final Six who will compete for the Prize.

Who Stays?

Anne Haines
ADT
Joe Massey
Eddie Dixon
RJ Gibson
Collin Kelley
Daniel Kaczmarek
Shanna Compton

View Results

Create your own myspace poll

Results of Elimination #2

The Contestants with the least number of votes are Simmons Buntin (2 votes) and Reginald Shepherd (5 votes). So, unfortunately, they are out. That leaves

RJ Gibson (35 votes)
Shanna Compton (10 votes)
ADT (10 votes)
Eddie Dixon (9 votes)

We have one more day to look at these same photos and captions. But you guessed it, two more people have to go! Once we are down to six contestants, the real contest begins. Think one photo, one caption from each of the contestants. Guest judges to critique the captions. But you, yes you, voting for who continues and who goes. Four rounds of captions before the $100 Amex Gift Card gets presented! So stay tuned. Elimination #3 will begin soon, as in later today. And then we will have six...

Sneak Peek

Forthcoming soon. Very soon.

Elimination Round 2

Half of the contestants battled it out yesterday, the other half today. Two contestants are already out, and two more will go tomorrow. So, vote for your favorite captions below. The system usually only lets you vote once per computer, so vote for your favorite of these six first. Voting Form at bottom of post.



*****************************


Contestant #14 : ADT



"As you can see, these cacti differ in appearance from most others due to their distinctive pricks."


*****************************


Contestant #16 : Eddie Dixon




"If I have told you once, I have told you a thousand times. Think outside the box."


*****************************


Contestant #18 : RJ Gibson



"Okay, one more time. It goes: grapevine, grapevine, step ball change, pony, pony, jazz hands."


*****************************


Contestant #19 : Simmons Buntin




"To protect the innocent, the identity of the horse has been concealed."


*****************************


Contestant #22 : Reginald Shepherd



"Doesn't anyone in this place realize how much sexier I am than they are?"


*****************************


Contestant #23 : Shanna Compton



"Mirror Mirror on the wall...who's the buffest of them all?"


*****************************

Caption Contest Elimination Round 2

Help us select the semifinalists by voting for your favorite caption among these 6.

Who Stays?

ADT
Eddie Dixon
RJ Gibson
Simmons Buntin
Reginald Shepherd
Shanna Compton

View Results

Create your own myspace poll



*****************************

Results of Elimination #1

After a full day of voting, the contestants with the least numbers of votes are John Gallaher (with 6 votes) and Justin Evans (with 3 votes). Sorry guys, but you are out... 80 votes were cast, and the first finalists are:

Joe Massey (32 votes)
Daniel Kaczmarek (17 votes)
Collin Kelley (12 votes)
Anne Haines (10 votes)

The next round of eliminations start soon.

Anomaly

I am not sure why, but it has been crazy busy at work the past week. Usually, Decembers are a lull month in my field, but this year is a total anomaly. I have been getting my butt spanked daily!


****************************


I got formal acknowledgment of my mystery acceptance yesterday. I still cannot tell. It isn't that huge of a deal, so no need to increase your curiosity factor. This is no "Paul Guest" kind of secret.


****************************


Round One of the End of Year Caption Contest Throwdown is going on below. Tomorrow morning, two contestants will be gone and we move on to the next group of six. Once Elimination 2 is done, we will have 8 finalists, and we will move on to the real competition. Be prepared for surprises...


****************************


Clue: Tryst


****************************

Elimination Round 1

Half of the contestants battle it out today, the other half tomorrow. And then 4 people will be out! So, vote for your favorite captions below. The system usually only lets you vote once per computer, so vote for your favorite of these six first. Voting Form at bottom of post.


Contestant #12 : Justin Evans



"Dark and moody had always been Eric's bread and butter, but today he was simply going to slap the next person who said he looked just like a cross between Pierce Brosnan and Lou Diamond Phillips."


*****************************


Contestant #13 : Anne Haines



"Dude, when we helped you shop for a ten gallon hat, we really did not have this in mind."


*****************************


Contestant #15 : Joe Massey



"You know," he said, "I've never felt more pleasure than when I'm having sex with a dolphin."

[Shortly after the picture was taken, he was fired. Sea World declined to comment.]


*****************************


Contestant #17 : John Gallaher



"Sorry boys, my balls, my rules!"


*****************************



Victor #20 : Collin Kelley



"Does this sweater make me look fat?"


*****************************


Victor #21 : Daniel Kaczmarek



"No matter how fast he ran, Bob could not escape the arm flourishing terror of the Celine Dion army."


*****************************

Caption Contest Elimination Round 1

Help us select the semifinalists by voting for your favorite caption among these 6.

Who Stays?

Justin Evans
Anne Haines
Joe Massey
John Gallaher
Collin Kelley
Daniel Kaczmarek

View Results

Create your own myspace poll

Meet the Contestants

So, December is here, and it is time for the End of Year Caption Contest Throwdown! The first round of eliminations will begin soon, but as a reminder, here are the winners for this year, the very folks who will be competing.

Victor #12 : Justin Evans



"Dark and moody had always been Eric's bread and butter, but today he was simply going to slap the next person who said he looked just like a cross between Pierce Brosnan and Lou Diamond Phillips."


*****************************


Victor #13 : Anne Haines



"Dude, when we helped you shop for a ten gallon hat, we really did not have this in mind."


*****************************


Victor #14 : ADT



"As you can see, these cacti differ in appearance from most others due to their distinctive pricks."


*****************************


Victor #15 : Joe Massey



"You know," he said, "I've never felt more pleasure than when I'm having sex with a dolphin."

[Shortly after the picture was taken, he was fired. Sea World declined to comment.]


*****************************


Victor #16 : Eddie Dixon




"If I have told you once, I have told you a thousand times. Think outside the box."


*****************************


Victor #17 : John Gallaher



"Sorry boys, my balls, my rules!"


*****************************


Victor #18 : RJ Gibson



"Okay, one more time. It goes: grapevine, grapevine, step ball change, pony, pony, jazz hands."


*****************************


Victor #19 : Simmons Buntin




"To protect the innocent, the identity of the horse has been concealed."


*****************************


Victor #20 : Collin Kelley



"Does this sweater make me look fat?"


*****************************


Victor #21 : Daniel Kaczmarek



"No matter how fast he ran, Bob could not escape the arm flourishing terror of the Celine Dion army."


*****************************


Victor #22 : Reginald Shepherd



"Doesn't anyone in this place realize how much sexier I am than they are?"


*****************************


Victor #23 : Shanna Compton



"Mirror Mirror on the wall...who's the buffest of them all?"


*****************************


So, here they are folks. Unlike during the year when Jacob is the judge supreme (except for the rare instance we have a guest judge), during the Throwdown, you the readers of The muse decide who stays in, and who is OUT... Eliminations begins soon.


*****************************

The Motions

Ange Mlinko on John Ashbery.


****************************


The reading yesterday went well. It was a really grey and overcast day, drizzling off and on. I was shocked anyone came to the reading at all in such depressing weather.


****************************


Is it Thursday yet?


****************************


"I count over 20 bloggers in this upcoming issue. Way too much! Enough of this nepotism!" --Eduardo Corral

Well, Eduardo makes some waves. Or is he? You know it isn't always easy to pin that man down. He is too playful.


****************************


Jacob and I are busy preparing the End of Year Caption Contest Throwdown. Tune in to start voting soon. First up, eliminations!




****************************


Clue: Gecko


****************************

Soon Day

"After two weeks, I was reduced to longing for the touch of my mother’s hand and conjuring fantasies of revenge. I imagined doing harm to the people who were trying to murder me. I didn’t think of García Lorca, or of Saadi or Hafez, or of liberty. I thought of revenge. The intimacy of these fantasies eclipsed even my longing for love. I was aware that I was being corrupted by the violence inflicted on me, and I hated it." (registration may be required)


*****************************


I did not, in the end, get much time to read yesterday. In fact, I got very little of what I had planned to do done. Not too long after posting here yesterday, I got paged and had to go to the hospital to see a patient with an emergency situation. I actually shaved, showered, and dressed in 6 minutes. Anyone who knows me well knows I take almost an hour to do all of that on most mornings. I drove to the hospital as safely but as quickly as I could, and I ended up there most of the day. I missed most of my appointment for my own therapeutic body work and had to eat the cost. It comes with the territory. It comes with the territory.


*****************************


And when I checked in for my appointment yesterday, the receptionist guy freaked me out a little. He told me my therapist told him that I was a doctor and a writer and so he googled me. All I said was "Oh..." He then became flustered and just handed me the usual paperwork to fill out. I know people can google my name and find stuff about me. That is not what weirded me out. It was the fact he googled me because my therapist mentioned I was a doctor and a writer. I am not making much sense because that, in and of itself, isn't weird. I guess it is the fact the guy at the reception desk brought it up. And to be honest, I guess it was just my being tired after a day of running around like a chicken with my head chopped off. I don't really know the reception guy. I don't even know his name. But yesterday, like many days, I didn't feel like a writer at all. In fact, on most days of my life, being a poet seems like a strange act to me. I amaze myself even with the ways in which I can perform that role. Who knows? I often joke I am not a doctor but that I play one on TV. Maybe the same applies to Poetry. Maybe I should say I am not a poet but that I play one on the internet. Don't take this the wrong way. I know I am a poet.


*****************************


"Poets don't know any more to whom their letters are addressed. Any poet writing a letter now may also be writing it for the reader of his selected letters, who will be reading it for all sorts of reasons."

Oh pu-leeeze! What arrogance to believe anyone will want to read your letters in the future. I mean, maybe Ted Hughes felt this way, but come on.


*****************************


I am reading with Forrest Hamer and Ellen Dudley today in Marin. We will be reading at 72 Quisisana in Kentfield (Marin). Event is from 2-4 pm.


*****************************


Clue: "Blackmail, PRICELESS!"


*****************************

Einstein, Whalen, and the Runway!

Robert Pinsky presents a poem by A. Van Jordan this week in The Post. The poem is from his captivating book, Quantum Lyrics. This is definitely a book one should check out, if you haven't already.

Pinsky writes: "By evoking American history from unexpected, unsettling angles, Jordan demonstrates poetry's power to be at once intimate and wide-ranging."


*****************************


"People can forgive all my faults; They despise me for being fat." (Review of Philip Whalen's Collected Poems from the San Francisco Chronicle)


*****************************


This week went by in a blur. I am beyond happy that the weekend is here, partly just to recover and to have some time to read. Still roaming through Leonardo's notebooks, and also poking around Baudelaire's Les Fleurs du Mal. Why I am reading Baudelaire right now is kind of beyond my comprehension. But I suspect it has something to do with a conversation I had with one of my former students about how he was in many ways a poet of retrospection, of childhood. When he returns to childhood in poems, it is always so evocative. Most of us just cannot capture childhood without the sepia tint of memory in the way.


*****************************


We are now caught up on the last two weeks of Project Runway. God do I love this show. I cannot even fully explain it, but I am always in awe at what these folks do in such short times. I just love all things Project Runway, which is why I still think Peter Pereira's Poetry Runway is still pure unadulterated genius!


*****************************


I tried again to read Robert Frost. I just can't. I just cannot get into his poems. I know this is a deficiency of my own, but whereas I can read almost any poetry collection and glean something from it, Frost elicits a kind of disgust and distrust in me that I cannot seem to overcome. I have been trying to overcome it now for 17 years!


*****************************


Clue: Japanese Maple


*****************************