Caption Contest #46

Yes, indeed, it is time again for another round of the Caption Contest. As always, our Judge extraordinaire for the monthly contests is Jacob. If you are new to The Muse and, therefore, new to this contest, the winner of the monthly contest gets bragging rights, entry into the Year-End Caption Contest Throwdown (which has a $100 grand prize), and may or may not receive a monetary prize (usually a $25 gift certificate). The award of a monetary prize for the monthly caption contests is decided before each round of the contest opens. You know, another level of surprise. Previous End of the Year Overall Contest Winners (Aaron, RJ, Stacey, and Luke) can play, but if they win one of the monthly contests, they will not receive entry into the End of Year Throwdown (though they can win the $25 gift certificate if it is one of the monthly prizes).

So far for the year, our winners include:

#45 : Shann Palmer


Which of you will join Shann to compete for the Year End Caption Contest Throwdown? Or will Shann come back for a repeat? And the photo? It is none other than this one:





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For captions to be counted as an entry, leave them in the comments section below, and let the games begin... You can enter as many times as you wish. Jacob's decision is final. And, remember, your entry must be left as a comment below to be counted. Email or FB doesn't count. So, go ahead, do it. Enter.


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Ironies

"Where Hoagland succeeds, sometimes brilliantly, is in those poems in which he neither rails against the food court with formulaic sarcasm nor forces forest epiphanies, but instead abides wherever he’s found himself, reflects rather than reacts and struggles to meet what he’s seeing with a sensibility stripped of any traces of cant[...]

Predictable adjectives, dull verbs, zero tension in the line breaks, no discernible effort at musicality. If you’re sufficiently attuned to Hoagland’s sensibility, you’ll see his forceful rejection of poetry’s tricks of the trade as indicative of his determination to tell the truth and tell it straight, and you’ll thank him for it. If you’re not, you’ll just be bored."

(Joel Brouwer reviews Tony Hoagland's new book, via the NYT Book Review)


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"The biggest open secret in the landmark trial over same-sex marriage being heard in San Francisco is that the federal judge who will decide the case, Chief U.S. District Judge Vaughn Walker, is himself gay."

(via the SF Chronicle)


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(SNL takes on DADT)


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Clue: Go to the well...


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Voyage

"I have taught in MFA programs for many years now, and I begin my first class of each semester by looking around the workshop table at my students' eager faces and then telling them they are pursuing a degree that will entitle them to nothing. I don't do this to be sadistic or because I want to be an unpopular professor; I tell them this because it's the truth. They are embarking on a life in which apprenticeship doesn't mean a cushy summer internship in an air-conditioned office but rather a solitary, poverty-inducing, soul-scorching voyage whose destination is unknown and unknowable."

(Dani Shapiro, via the LA Times)


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Clue: Rickroll


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Pressure

"Blackwood's Magazine's career advice to John Keats: "It is a better and wiser thing to be a starved apothecary than a starved poet; so back to the shop, Mr. John, back to 'plasters, pills and ointment boxes,' etc."

(via the Vancouver Sun)


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Like something out of Donnie Darko...


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"President Obama has picked six people to join the President’s Committee on the Arts and the Humanties; two of them, painter-photographer Chuck Close and Pulitzer Prize-winning novelist and short-story writer Jhumpa Lahiri, will become the first visual artist and writer on an advisory panel weighted with actors and business people."

(via the LA Times)


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"Is the idea of the Great American Novel the worst thing that ever happened to great American novelists? Some days it does seem that way. American authors who struggle to define the American experience by cramming it all into one novel almost inevitably come to some version of grief, and no one epitomizes this dilemma better than Ralph Ellison, who published only stories and essays in the 40 years after he dazzled the literary world with Invisible Man."

(Malcolm Jones, via Newsweek)


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"Are your emotions pure? Are your nerves adjustable? How do you stand in relation to the potato? Should it still be Constantinople? Does a nameless horse make you more nervous or less nervous than a named horse? In your view, do children smell good?"

These are the opening sentences of Padgett Powell's The Interrogative Mood, a brilliant novel I have spent the last three days reading. I began the book thinking there is no way he can pull this off. There is no way he can construct a novel out of a seemingly random list of questions. But he does. And at times, the book is even heartbreaking. I have always loved Powell's more odd and genre-pushing short stories. But now he has exerted the same kind of pressure on the stately genre of the novel, and it is just fantastic. If you haven't read this, you should!


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Clue: Rust


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Objects in Motion

"Objects in motion will remain in motion unless
acted upon by an outside force. Objects
at rest will remain at rest unless acted upon
by an outside force. Matthew Olzmann
is an object at rest, and will remain at rest,
reclining on the couch while drinking Guinness
and watching football."

(from Matthew Olzmann's "Sir Isaac Newton's First Law of Motion")


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We have updated the NER website, with much more than Matthew Olzmann's poem (above). There is also a poem by Natasha Trethewey on-line. The entire table of contents of the most recent issue can be perused here. And if it looks good, you can always subscribe. And we never turn down donations to our endowment.


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Trusts and Incorporations

"The US Department of Justice has said that it is still not satisfied with a deal that would allow search giant Google to build a vast digital library.

It said the plan failed to address antitrust and copyright concerns."

(via the BBC)


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"What happens between a novel and a consenting reader is usually a deeply personal activity, occurring behind the closed doors of individual minds. It is arguably more intimate and subjective than sex."

(via the NYT)


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"There are 15 or 20 better poets in America than Tony Hoagland, but few deliver more pure pleasure. His erudite comic poems are backloaded with heartache and longing, and they function, emotionally, like improvised explosive devices: the pain comes at you from the cruelest angles, on the sunniest of days."

(Dwight Garner reviews Tony Hoagland, via the NYT)


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Clue: "He's the man, the man with the Midas touch..."


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Death Announcements

"Just like red wine and classical music, blogging attracts a more mature audience, while the younger set prefers to share their lives via social networks. That's according to a survey recently released by the Pew Research Center's Internet and American Life Project entitled Social Media and Young Adults, which continues the PIAP's obsession with tracking the digital habits of the so-called Millennial generation, defined in the study as young adults between the ages of 18 and 29."

(via PC World)


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"As if we needed more reasons not to give to the Democratic National Committee (DNC), Ben Smith of Politico.com gave us yet another one. Turns out the DNC recently gave Ben Nelson (D-Nebraska) over $500,000 to pay for ads for his re-election. Nelson stands against the LGBT community at every opportunity. Not only that, but he was also a major reason we are in the current health care situation."

(via DavidMixner.com)


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"At 8:30 a.m. on September 11, I went to a meeting in the Pentagon. At 9:30 a.m. I left that meeting. At 9:37 a.m., American Airlines Flight No. 77 slammed into the Pentagon and destroyed the exact space I had left less than eight minutes earlier, killing seven of my colleagues.

In the days and weeks that followed, I went to several funerals and memorial services for shipmates who had been killed. Most of my co-workers attended these services with their spouses whose support was critical at this difficult time, yet I was forced to go alone.

As the numbness began to wear off, it hit me how incredibly alone Lynne would have been had I been killed. The military is known for how it pulls together and helps people; we talk of the "military family," which is a way of saying we always look after each other, especially in times of need. But none of that support would have been available for Lynne, because under "don't ask, don't tell," she couldn't exist."

(Retired Navy Capt. Joan E. Darrah discusses her "secret life" in the military, via CNN)


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Clue: On Crack


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Big Bird on Crack

"Who did we see tonight that made it to the Top 24? There are some potential spoilers ahead, so stop reading now if you don’t want to know.

Lacey Brown (pictured), who auditioned with “Somewhere Over the Rainbow,” is one of them. She made Top 50 last year and they chose Megan Joy instead. A huge mistake because Megan Joy was like Big Bird on crack and mostly squawked."

(Collin Kelley, of course, discussing last night's Idol Auditions)


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"Christopher Plummer and Helen Mirren both properly earned Academy Award nominations for their performances in Michael Hoffman's Oscar-baiting domestic drama "The Last Station." Plummer plays the great Russian novelist Leo Tolstoy. Mirren plays his wife of 50 years, the Countess Sofya."

(Plummer nominated for his first Oscar, via the Daily Herald)


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"Don DeLillo, whose new novel, “Point Omega,” came out on Tuesday, is not exactly a Pynchonesque recluse. He travels, sees friends, gives readings occasionally. People know what he looks like: a slight, reserved man, now going gray, with an intense, serious expression. “I only smile when I’m alone,” he said recently, not smiling."

(via the NYT)


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Clue: Offers and Nerves


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Bound to Hear

"On February 3, Brooklyn Borough President Marty Markowitz announced at his annual State of the Borough Address that Tina Chang of Park Slope has been named the new poet laureate of Brooklyn."

(via Broadway World)


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"So, how does a journalist become a novelist? There's not much in the how-to realm of writing that hasn't already been said so many times in so many books that bookstores dedicate entire sections to the issue. About all I can add is what you're bound to hear thousands of times before, during, and after writing your first damn book:

No.

No, you can't do it. No, you'll never do it. No, don't even try.

No."

(TJ Sullivan, via LA Observed)


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Clue: Loss


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Immortality, etc.

"The Kate Tufts Discovery Award, a $10,000 prize that is given to a first book by a poet, was won by Beth Bachmann for her collection “Temper” (University of Pittsburgh Press)."

(via the NYT)


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"A cell line called HeLa (for Henrietta Lacks) was born. Those immortal cells soon became the workhorse of laboratories everywhere. HeLa cells were used to develop the first polio vaccine, they were launched into space for experiments in zero gravity and they helped produce drugs for numerous diseases, including Parkinson’s, leukemia and the flu. By now, literally tons of them have been produced.

Dr. Gey did not make money from the cells, but they were commercialized. Now they are bought and sold every day the world over, and they have generated millions in profits.

The Lacks family never got a dime. They were poor, with little education and no health insurance, and some had serious physical or mental ailments."

(the NYT takes a look at The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks by Rebecca Skloot)


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"The major broadcast networks have avoided political advocacy ads for years, so CBS's decision to air the Tebow ad caught abortion rights advocates off guard. But Focus on the Family, the Colorado Springs-based conservative Christian group founded by Dr. James Dobson, says that it has actually been working closely with CBS executives for months on the ad's script."

(via the Daily Beast)


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Clue: Ground glass


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Tone and Pitch

"D.A. Powell, who teaches at the University of San Francisco, has won the $100,000 Kingsley Tufts Poetry Award from Claremont Graduate University. His books include "Tea," "Lunch," "Cocktails" and "Chronic."

(via the LA Times)


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"Among these was one appealingly slim volume with a peculiar name, The Lice. I remember running back upstairs with the first real collection of poetry I'd ever encountered and stashing it in my bookcase behind 50 volumes of Nancy Drew."

(Erin Belieu on W.S. Merwin, via the Seattle P-I)


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"Creating a narrative voice that captures the authentic speech patterns of young people is a challenge for novelists. Young narrators need an idiomatic style of speech that reflects their (sub)culture, they need verbal tics and expressions that reflect their unique character, and finally, they need a tone and pitch that reflects their age."

(via the Guardian)


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Clue: Lion


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Ugly

"No one yet knows who did it or when but they know this: It was ugly.

A four-foot square swastika was found emblazoned in black spray paint on a carpet in an office at the University of Oregon early this morning."

(via Oregon Live)


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Appreciative Murmurs

"Lovers of snow, sleet and freezing temperatures, rejoice: according to Ontario's best-known groundhog and his U.S. and Atlantic Canada counterparts, winter will stick around for six more weeks.

Wiarton Willie reportedly saw his shadow shortly after 8 a.m. ET Tuesday, just 35 minutes after Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow in Pennsylvania. In Nova Scotia, Shubenacadie Sam reportedly saw his shadow shortly after 8 a.m. AT.

Tradition holds that if a woodchuck casts a shadow on Feb. 2 — the Christian holiday of Candlemas — winter will last another six weeks. If no shadow is seen, legend says, spring will come early."

(via the CBC)


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"The Oregon Cultural Trust is recruiting for a new poet laureate. By poet standards, the job pays handsomely: $10,000 a year plus travel and expenses. Admittedly, that's not competitive by Wall Street standards, but it looks pretty good when the typical poet's reward for a personal appearance is a bagel and some appreciative murmurs from the audience."

(Angela Howe-Decker, via Ashland Daily Tidings)


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"The Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences got what it wanted Tuesday morning: an eclectic mix of 10 best picture nominees, including two science-fiction hits – "Avatar" and "District 9" – an animated film, "Up," and two war films, "The Hurt Locker" and "Inglourious Basterds."

Though it was no surprise that "Precious: Based on the Novel 'Push' by Sapphire" and "Up in the Air" earned best picture nods, there were some unexpected choices, including "The Blind Side," "An Education" and "A Serious Man."

The announcement marked the first time in 64 years that there were 10 nominees in this marquee category, instead of the traditional five."

(via LA Times)


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More later, I think.


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Clue: Raspberry Beret


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